A time of intense hormones, unpredictable moods, rapid bodily changes, and high stress. Not exactly the ideal time to have relationship problems, especially with the future parent of your child. So how do you deal with it? In this article I will explain not only that, but how to keep yourself from falling into the pitfalls and traps of an intense or unhealthy relationship while pregnant.
Ideally, if you are experiencing a "planned pregnancy", you have discussed and worked on many of your relationship issues already. These could include but aren't limited to; communication, intimacy, trust, financial, and sexual problems. In this article, I would like to focus on only one, communication.
Obviously, if this issue was present before your pregnancy, it is going to be present and more troublesome during your pregnancy. With that said, how do you deal with this issue while pregnant, even if it is present to a lesser degree?
If I feel a loss of energy coming on or like I just want to take a nap, I know for sure that I will not have much patience to make serious decisions. So instead of coming home and telling my husband, "Hey honey I'm ready to discuss the financial part of that remodel that you want in the kitchen." I say something like; "Honey, I just wanted to let you know that I'm not 100% today, it has been a rough pregnancy day, and I would really appreciate it if I could just go to bed. Could you make yourself something to eat?" What this does is avoid a "predictable" argument that would be the result from my "lack of energy and patience", during our discussion.
How could an "unpredictable" and "spontaneous" situation like that be avoided? Well, by doing what I call a mind, body, and soul check in. First of all when you are pregnant you need to take responsibility for your emotions and behaviors by constantly checking in with yourself. Ask yourself where you are at emotionally and psychologically. Rate yourself on a scale of one to ten. One being that you are feeling; tired, emotional, or insecure. Ten being that you feel; energized, happy, or excited about your pregnancy. Since you can go up and down daily in your pregnancy moods, you need to monitor yourself several times throughout the day. This way, when an "unpredictable" pregnancy symptom like constipation creeps up on you, you know that you are not going to be able to handle much on your plate. Your best decision in that instance, would be to avoid over stressing yourself. For example, limit the amount of things you do that day, get extra sleep, and avoid stressful discussions with your spouse.
Here is a quick communication exercise to practice with your partner. Sit next to each other and look into each others' eyes. Now pretend that you have switched bodies and you are the non-pregnant person, and they are the pregnant person. Take about a minute to answer the following questions as "the other person." Tell me about your pregnancy thus far; how many weeks along you are, how do you feel, what is partner feeling during your pregnancy? You will find this interesting being in the "other person's shoes", for a bit. After you complete the exercise, check in with each other. Were you accurate about each other's feelings and thoughts? If the answer is no, then you know that you have to work more on your communication.
Remember, pregnancy is supposed to be a beautiful time for a couple, but it can put a lot of strain on a relationship. Working on your communication as a couple before you decide to get pregnant, is your best bet. But if you can't, start today, heck start yesterday! Good luck and remember, when in doubt and in the middle of what seems impossible argument, laugh! Have a happy and healthy pregnancy.
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