It's not surprising that you're upset. Men use sex to feel close to their partner. Unfortunately, women need to feel close before they feel sexual. So how do you bridge the gap?
Think of foreplay starting long before the bedroom door, like at breakfast time! Take your partner shopping to buy something that will make her feel more like a woman and less like a mum. That doesn't mean underwear! That will make her feel obliged and that's a huge turn-off.
Give her compliments when she is looking nice. Send her a loving text from work. Run her a bath and bring her glass of wine. Anything that makes her feel cherished.
And here is the most important ingredient: don't pester for sex. However much you feel that you have deserved it, pestering is the biggest turn-off of all and will put you back to square one.
It's hard, but you don't want your partner to have sex to keep you quiet. This will not fulfil your need to be cherished either.
After giving birth, your partner would have felt far from horny. If she's breastfeeding, she may feel she already has enough demands on her body. However, she can still become turned on. It just takes a little more time.
Unfortunately, men, if we're being honest, are focused on our penises. If we have an erection, we want to get straight on with it. So we may rush towards intercourse before our partners are truly ready.
When it comes to touching, focus on everything beyond your partner's breasts and genitals for at least 10 minutes. Experiment with different touches, soft, firm, barely brushing her skin with the tips of your fingers.
Help her feel truly relaxed and turned on. Keep an eye on the alarm clock to be sure that 10 minutes have truly passed. Then start to cover her in kisses, still avoiding her genital area.
Make her feel that you cherish every part of her body. She may feel differently about her body after giving birth, and a tender touch is worth a hundred words. Finally, after a good 15 minutes, when you're sure she's ready, you can move to her breasts and genitals with your tongue or fingers.
You might even skip intercourse altogether and just have a cuddle or enjoy mutual masturbation. This breaks the link, probably in both of your minds, that sex equals intercourse. This all-or-nothing approach can leave you stranded on opposite sides of the bed.
But if sex is a whole menu of ways to be physically intimate, you will have a much stronger love life. After all, you will often be too tired for intercourse, but nobody is ever too tired to be stroked or cuddled.
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