Should Breastfeeding Women Color Their Hair?

Women are generally not recommended to dye their hair when they are pregnant. The dye that gets into the bloodstream and the toxins which are inhaled are not thought to be healthy for the baby. While there is not a substantial amount of evidence that shows that hair dye during pregnant is all that harmful, many believe that it is not safe and try to avoid it. What happens when a woman is breastfeeding, however? Is it okay for her to dye her hair then? Here are some of the things that all women should know about the relationship between hair dye and breastfeeding. 

Should Breastfeeding Women Color Their Hair? 

According to La Leche League International, there is no evidence that a baby who is being breastfed will be affected by hair dye. While the hair dye will enter the bloodstream through the skin, it is not enough to cause any significant harm to the baby during breastfeeding. 

There is a greater risk that a larger amount of hair dye may enter the bloodstream is the woman has an unhealthy scalp. Having scratches on the scalp makes the skin more open to the hair dye, so it is important to make sure that you do not dye your hair during this time.

Are There Safer Alternatives to Hair Dye? 

Individuals who are still worried about the chemicals from the hair dye entering their bloodstream through the skin may want to consider other options. It may be ideal to think about hair highlighting instead. Highlights do not come in direct contact with the scalp so there is not a risk of chemicals making their way into the bloodstream. 

There are also organic and henna hair dyes on the market to choose from, which consist of mostly natural ingredients. This can be another option for women who fear that hair dye during breastfeeding can have a negative impact on their baby. Since these products are less likely to contain harmful chemicals, it is likely that you will feel much better about using them while you are breastfeeding.

Overall, it is safe to say that the risks involved with hair dye and breastfeeding are minimal. Since there is no medical evidence which shows that hair products can have a negative impact on breastfeeding, women can dye their hair or use other hair products and feel rest assured to know that it will not harm their babies. Breastfeeding women who fear that there is still a risk of chemical exposure to the baby may want to consider safer alternatives to calm their nerves, however.

Is it safe to use hair dye when I’m pregnant or breastfeeding?

The chemicals in permanent and semi-permanent hair dyes are not highly toxic.

Using hair dye when you're pregnant

Most research, although limited, shows that it's safe to colour your hair while pregnant. Some studies have found that very high doses of the chemicals in hair dyes may cause harm. However, these doses are massive compared to the very low amount of chemicals that a woman colouring her hair is exposed to.

Many women decide to wait to dye their hair until after the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, when the risk of chemical substances harming the baby is much lower. If you're colouring your hair yourself, you can reduce the risk further by making sure that you:

• wear gloves,
• leave the dye on for the minimum time, and
• work in a well-ventilated room. 

Highlighting your hair, by putting the dye only onto strands of hair, also reduces any risk. The chemicals used are only absorbed by your hair, and not by your scalp or bloodstream.

Semi-permanent pure vegetable dyes, such as henna, are a safe alternative.

Do remember that pregnancy can affect your hair's normal condition. For example, your hair may:

• react differently to colouring or perming than it usually does, and
• become more or less absorbent, frizzy or unpredictable. 

It's always a good idea to do a strand test first, using the hair dye or treatment that you intend to use. Speak to your hairdresser for advice.

Using hair dye while you're breastfeeding

Information about hair treatments while breastfeeding is limited. However, it's very unlikely that a significant amount of the chemicals used in hair dyes will be passed on through your breast milk. This is because very little enters your bloodstream. In the past, many women have used hair treatments while breastfeeding, with no known negative results.

Beauty treatments and breastfeeding

Hair treatments

Hair treatments include hair colouring, hair curling (perms), hair bleaching and hair straightening (relaxers) agents.

Information about having hair treatments while breastfeeding is limited. However, the Organization of Teratology Information Specialists states that it is highly unlikely that a significant amount of the chemicals used would enter the breastmilk because very little enters the mother's bloodstream.

Hair removal

Topical products, such as depilatory creams, that are applied to the skin are poorly absorbed into the bloodstream and therefore are very unlikely to end up in breastmilk.

There is no evidence that electrolysis or laser hair removal would affect breastfeeding or your breastfed baby.

Fake tans

The active ingredient in all self-tanning lotions is dihydroxyacetate (DHA), a chemical which stains the skin temporarily. There are no studies on DHA levels in breastmilk or its effect on the health of the breastfed baby.

If you decide to use self-tanners while breastfeeding, avoid putting the self-tanner on areas that the baby's mouth comes in contact with, such as the nipple and areola.

Hair dye and breastfeeding

Many women are dissuaded from getting hair and beauty treatments done during pregnancy and initial days of childbirth. Toxic fumes erupting from chemicals and hair dyes is the major concern. While there is not much of evidence regarding how hair dyeing affects fetuses or breastfed infants, women often choose to play it safe by waiting until their baby is old enough to be weaned. However, there is no need for you to sacrifice your desire to look good as studies have revealed that women can safely dye their hair anytime after the 12th week of pregnancy. Dyeing your hair and breastfeeding also possibly do not have any detrimental correlation. Let's understand this better by reading ahead.

Is It safe to Use Hair Dye while Breastfeeding?
Hair dyes are known to contain some of the strongest and most toxic chemicals. Most hair dyes are ammonia based, which in itself is a hazardous chemical. Inhaling such toxic fumes may not be good for an expectant mother as well as the fetus. These fumes may cause serious developmental issues in fetuses that are less than 12 weeks old. However, many women wrongly assume that chemicals through bloodstream are what cause all the problems to mother and baby. This is the reason why they may refrain from getting their hair dyed while they are breastfeeding their babies. One must understand that the amount of chemicals entering the bloodstream of a mother through scalp is not significant enough to pose any threat to the fetus or a breastfed baby. There is no possibility that your baby could get these chemicals in her body through breast milk. 

Precautions to be Taken while Dyeing Hair
Although, there is no harm in dyeing your hair while you are pregnant (over 12 weeks) or breastfeeding, taking certain precautions may provide maximum safety to you and your baby. As mentioned above, the chemicals entering the bloodstream through scalp are not sufficient enough to cause a problem to you or your baby. However, if the scalp has cracks or if the skin is broken, your chances of introducing higher amount of chemicals into the bloodstream increase manifold. Hence, it is a must that you ensure that your scalp is in a healthy condition before coloring your hair. Applying chemicals on an unhealthy scalp also makes you susceptible to various allergies and infections, which can be detrimental for your breastfed baby. 

Another reason why breastfeeding mothers should think twice before getting their hair dyed is due to change in texture of their hair. Hormonal changes during pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding may change the nature and texture of the hair. This may make them to respond differently to a hair color. Meaning, your hair dye may not give you the same result as it did during your pre-pregnancy days. Hence, it only makes sense to wait until your hair resume their natural texture. Another factor worth considering is that, the stage of breastfeeding is often characterized by heavy hair loss. Hence, it may not be a good idea to subject such hair to chemical treatment.

However, the biggest problem with coloring of hair and breastfeeding is, your baby may not like the smell of chemicals on your hair, hence she might simply refuse to latch on. Also, one must always keep the baby safely away while you are dyeing your hair. If you're dyeing at home, make sure the room is airy and well ventilated, so that the fumes do not linger in the room, for your baby to inhale. You can also opt for natural hair dyes, which are a safe alternative.

If possible you can wait to get chemical hair treatments done until your baby is nutritionally independent. However, if you think that a new hair color could boost your confidence by improving your appearance, you may as well go ahead and get it done. After all, you sure have a right to make yourself happy after accomplishing the biggest task in the world!

When Can I Expect to Hear My Baby Talk?

Believe it or not, you'll notice your baby talking in his own way shortly after birth. Obviously, he won't be chiming in his first words right there and then, but he will offer you grimaces, smiles, and grunts that communicate with you. As the months pass by, you'll be going through critical stages in his language development. Here are some things you can expect in the first year.

Baby Talking at 3 Months

Lots happens with in the first 3 months of baby's development, and by the end of this period you'll likely be hearing your baby offer up his sing-songy coos as he interacts with you. Something that you'll likely notice is that he watches your mouth as you speak to him, and he turns his head to the sound of your voice.

Baby Talking at 6 Months

By 6 months that cooing has progressed to babbling as your baby combines a few basic consonant and vowel sounds. Strings of ba-ba-ba or da-da-da will bring a smile to your face. However, don't mistake that "da-da" cry as being a call out for good ole pop. Sounds at this age do not have meaning, they are simply sounds that your baby delights in making and in hearing.

Baby Talking at 9 Months

Your baby's development at 9 months will have his language progress to having him recognize a few basic words, such as "no," "more," and his name. You'll hear him using a larger range of consonant sounds, and he'll have developed a tone of voice. You should be able to judge his emotion based upon his inflection and tone.

Baby Talking at 1 Year

His development around the first birthday will showcase a few basic words, and he'll use them with meaning and purpose. You'll likely melt at the first heartfelt call of "mama" or "dada." Additionally, he'll be able to respond to simple one step directions.

Baby Language Development Concerns

So perhaps you read through that and panic at the realization that your baby is lagging a little behind. Before you worry about a possible language delay, stop and take a deep breath. Always keep in mind that there is a range in what is normal. Some babies will blossom early in language, others will be late bloomers. That can be fine and perfectly normal.

However, be sure to talk about your baby's language development with your pediatrician. Be forthcoming with any delays you think you may have noticed. Your pediatrician will take into consideration your baby's own unique development and may point you in the direction of possible speech and language evaluations if she thinks it may be necessary.

How to Monitor a Child's Fever

Standing by while your child is sick can make you feel helpless. In many cases, it is not the fever that you should worry about. A fever is the outward sign of an inner infection. The body's temperature rises in order to kill off the heat-sensitive bacteria attacking the body. The best way to help your child overcome their illness is to monitor the fever and act accordingly. Pay attention to your child and his or her outward symptoms, and respond with actions that will keep your child comfortable while reducing the fever.

Steps

1.Check your child's temperature regularly. Every 2 - 4 hours, use a thermometer to get a new temperature rating. Record the time and temperature to keep track of any changes. If your child's fever is very high (over 104 degrees), check his or her temperature more frequently, as often as every 20 minutes. If the child is sleeping, wait until he or she wakes up to take a new temperature reading. Sleep is needed to help fight a fever and is more important than keeping to a temperature taking schedule.

2.Make sure your child stays hydrated. A fever can quickly dehydrate children. Keep their bodies at full fever-fighting capacity by having them drink a lot of fluids. While they are ill, have them drink beverages that contain electrolytes.

3.Keep tabs on your child's appearance. Part of monitoring a fever is paying attention to small things to notice if there are any changes. Increasing changes could mean the fever is getting better or worse. It is normal for a child with fever to feel hot or cold, and his skin might be pale as his blood is focused on other parts of his body to fight the illness.

4.Pay attention to your child's behavior. It is normal for someone with a fever to sleep a lot. The sleep helps the body focus on fighting the cause of the fever. Some shivering is normal as it is the body's way of producing its own heat. In some instances, a child with a fever will act normally or have periods of time where he wants to get up and play. You should be in the clear if your child shows interest in eating.

5.Reduce a fever with medication. While a low-grade fever is better left un-medicated so the body can fight off the imposing threat of infection or illness that is causing the fever, at times and for high fevers, medication is recommended. Following the recommended dosage, acetaminophen and ibuprofen can safely be given to children. The two medications can even be alternated at subsequent medication times to quickly reduce a fever.

6.Seek professional or emergency help if the fever is uncontrollable. Take your child to a doctor if he or she has a high fever (over 104 degrees), lasts over 3 days or if the child becomes dehydrated. Pay careful attention to a sick child who does not want to move around. Get help immediately if your child is having trouble breathing or becomes violently ill.

Games to Play With an Infant

My wife is a much better at-home parent than I am, and she should be. I've been home a little more than 2 years, and she had been at home for 7, nurturing two babies through that time.

So, when our newest addition was a few months old my wife asked me what it was I did with the baby all day. We walked around the house and talked about the renovations we're going to make, and then we walked around the yard and looked at the flowers. We watched TV.

To this my wife let me know that the baby was falling behind because I wasn't playing any games with her. But she's an infant. What games could I play with her?

Playing The Rolling Over Game With Your Baby

Babies need to learn to roll over, and parents can help them by playing a game that also helps them sleep easier during their naps.

Start by laying down a blanket on the floor, and then lay the baby on his or her back. You can make faces, play peek-a-boo, or make funny sounds while doing so.

To roll the baby over the first step is to raise the baby's arm over his head as though he is raising his hand. Then roll the baby in that direction. This allows him to have his arm in front of him when he gets to his belly, which he would otherwise not be strong enough to pull out from under his body.

At first your baby should only be able to hold this position for 30-60 seconds. The exercise is good, and the child should then be rolled onto his back. This is done by placing his arm along his side, and then rolling him in that direction. Tucking the arm prevents injuries that could occur accidentally.

Naturally, during this game, it is not recommended to go and make a sandwich or check email. And the blanket should be flat on the ground. Initially, the baby can roll back and forth just a few times, but after some practice this can be done for 10-20 minutes at a time.

Playing Peek-a-Boo With Your Baby

My baby has been playing peek-a-boo with us since she was 5 months old. In her car seat she'll raise her blanket in front of her face and then pull it down. I find it to be very entertaining, personally.

Not to insult anyone's intelligence I'm still going to give a cursory of the game. It can be played with a blanket, by hiding behind a wall, or when dressing your baby. All you need is to obstruct yourself from the baby, and then appear saying "peek-a-boo."

Interestingly enough, the playfulness is a form of communication. When she does it, she's saying something to us, even if she can't say peek-a-boo.

Playing The Sound Game With Your Baby

Babies who are talked to talk sooner. One way I'll spend part of my day with the baby is by having regular conversations with her. But I also play what I call the sound game.

I go through letters in the alphabet and over-enunciate their sounds as well as my facial expressions, such as Aaaaaayyyyy; Aaaaaaayyyyy; Aaaaaaayyyyyy, or Bu Bu Bu Bu Bu. Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. I'll spend as long as a minute or two on any given sound, and I don't always go through all of them.

Another easy game, this one provides help for another fundamental in communication. Over time your baby will try to imitate your facial expressions, and she will surprise you and herself by making a sound or two, then three.

One trick to playing these games is to do them consistently. Like working out in a gym or playing an instrument, it's not going to make much of a difference if these games are only played once a month. They should be played daily, or at least several times a week.

How Can Parents Encourage Language Development During Infancy?

Language development is crucial to the social, emotional and educational growth of a child. Parents can encourage language development in many ways from early infancy. Providing a child with a language-rich environment is important, as much of a child's progress in speech and language can be attributed to exposure, through which the child's observation of language patterns leads to practice through imitation.

Gestures

Communicating through gestures is an important part of a child's early language development. Such simple gestures as waving bye-bye or the hand motions that accompany many nursery rhymes can help a child to understand the connection between movement and meaning. Some parents find that teaching a baby as young as six months old a simplified sign language can help a child to learn to communicate more quickly and with less frustration.

Speaking

One of the most significant ways parents can encourage children to speak is by speaking to them. When spending time with their babies, parents should keep up a running commentary of everything they see and do. They can involve their children in everyday activities---for example, putting them in the bouncy chair in the kitchen while they're cooking and explaining the recipe step-by-step. Or, they can take a walk outside and describe all the things they see along the way. The more language children hear, the more they file away for later use.

Repetition

Once children start attempting to use language themselves, parents should use repetition as a way to support their efforts. Even by repeating those first syllables a baby produces, a parent is showing the child that communication is interactive and provokes a response. The parent is also modeling correct use of sounds, syllables and words.

Reading

Reading to children is hugely significant for learning language. Parents should read to their children on a daily basis beginning as early as the first year, using age-appropriate books and making an effort to encourage interaction through pointing out and naming objects, colors and familiar characters. Hearing stories read aloud can help children to learn speech patterns as well as promote later reading comprehension skills.

Support Materials

In addition to their own supportive behaviors, parents can provide their children with additional materials that will enhance language development. A child-focused CD of songs, nursery rhymes or stories can capture a young child's attention and provide a plentiful source of language input. Interactive toys or DVDs with child-friendly characters and language (used on a limited basis) can also be helpful.

Lap games: playing with baby

It may sound simple or obvious, but learning a few little rhymes and songs is great for both of you — and not just as a means of keeping baby contented in a waiting room or transit bus. He begins to learn about language, body awareness, rhythm and more. You get to feel close to him as you figure out what irritates, soothes and amuses him. Plus, you'll discover that the only thing more intoxicating than having your baby snuggle on your lap is making him burst into giggles while he's there. Here are bounces and fingerplays to try when you're both tired of "This Little Piggy."

Johnny Whoops!

A poem with only two words: perfect! Easy to remember when you're hallucinating from lack of sleep.

Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.

Whoops! Johnny.

Whoops! Johnny.

Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.

Take your baby's hand in yours with his palm open and fingers facing up. Starting with his little finger, tap each of his fingers one at a time with your index finger and say the word "Johnny" each time. Stop after you touch his index finger.

Slide your finger down the side of his index finger and up his thumb as you say "Whoops!" After you slide up to his thumb tip, say "Johnny." Then, repeat going back to his pinky.

Stop and Go

This one's short and sweet and good for helping baby learn balance. It's from Games to Play with Babies by Jackie Silberg (Gryphon House 1993).

Sit on the floor with your baby on your lap facing you. Say this little poem as you bounce him up and down:

Father and Mother and Uncle John Rode to the doctor, one by one.

Father fell off,

(slide baby to one side)

Mother fell off,

(slide baby to the other side)

And Uncle John rode on and on

And on and on and on!

Bouncing Games

This one is from More Games to Play with Toddlers by Jackie Silberg (Gryphon House 1996), who's written a small library's worth of books on playing with little ones.

Sit your child on your lap facing you and say the following rhyme as you bounce him up and down on your knees, holding his waist:

I went to town

To get some butter

And when I got there

I fell in the gutter

(separate your legs and hold your child while you drop him to the ground)

Kissing Booth

My preschoolers have loved this one since they were toddlers. It's great for bonding and body awareness if you name each body part as you kiss it. For example, "I'm going to kiss your cheeks! Now I've got your neck! Next are your eyebrows,"...

Sit baby on your lap, lie her on her back (after bath or diaper changing, perhaps), bend over her and say, "Would you like a big kiss, Morgan? I'm going to kiss you all over!"

Then plant some on her, starting with her cheek and moving to forehead, ear, nose, ...

After that, it's time for nibble kisses: make eating sounds and tell her how delicious she tastes as you pretend to nibble at her chin, cheeks, arms, toes.

Next up: Eskimo kisses. Gently rub noses with her and feel free to nuzzle her ears, cheeks and belly too.

Then, tell her, "It's time for butterfly kisses." Move close to her cheek, forehead, chin or nose with one of your eyes and flutter her skin lightly a few times with your eyelashes as you blink.

Finally, say, "Now it's time for raspberry kisses!" Put your lips on her belly and blow. Repeat after hearing that addictive belly laugh.

Baby Play

Terry Kluytmans in Sayward, BC, had trouble recalling song lyrics when her daughter was little. So she started collecting music and posting the words on her site, kididdles.com.

This is the way the baby goes:

Clappity clap! Snappity snap!

(clap hands and snap fingers)

This is the way the baby goes:

Peekaboo! I see you!

(cover eyes with hands, then take them away)

This is the way the baby goes:

Creep, creep, creep, creep.

(creep fingers along floor — or baby's tummy!)

This is the way the baby goes:

Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.

(rest head on hands, pretending to sleep)

Mousie

It's never too early to help your baby develop her sense of humour. Try this little one from Games Babies Play: A Handbook of Games to Play with Infants by Julie Hagstrom and Joan Morrill (A & W Publishing 1979).

Hold baby on your lap or play this while she's in her car seat. Let your fingers creep up baby's legs while you say

"Creepie, creepie, little mousie."

Starting up the arm, say,

"…right into your little…"

Just as you reach the back of baby's neck, say, "housie!" Add a tickle and a hug, and repeat as long as she's interested.

The Games you can play with your baby

Your baby will develop at an amazing rate in her first year. She'll seem to acquire new skills overnight. 

It won't be long before your wriggling, helpless baby works out how to roll over, sit, crawl, stand and walk. 

The games below will help you to encourage your baby to make the most of her new abilities as she discovers them. You should both have a lot of fun along the way. 

Which games are best for babies under three months?

• Copycat 

Your baby loves having the chance to watch your face and this game will help sharpen her visual skills too. Hold your baby close, she can focus best at about 20cm to 35 cm. When she is gazing into your eyes, slowly poke your tongue out. Do this every 20 seconds or so. 

It may take about a minute but you will soon notice she's sticking her tiny tongue back out at you. She'll try to imitate other facial expressions too, such as a big smile or wide open mouth. 

• Tickle songs 

Once your baby is a little older, play This Little Piggy or Round and Round the Garden with her feet or hands. Hold her on your lap and gently uncurl her toes or fingers as you sing. Repeat the song a couple of times until she starts to giggle in excited anticipation of the tickle at the end. 

Simple, repetitive rhymes are great for improving your baby's memory skills. 

• Roll and stretch 

Your baby will soon be able to raise her head up for a second or two when lying on her tummy. If she's happy in this position, roll a brightly-coloured ball across her line of vision, about 60cm from her body. 

To begin with she'll concentrate on watching the ball, but soon she'll try to stretch towards it. This will help strengthen her neck, arm and leg muscles. Always give her lots of praise and finish the game as soon as she starts to get frustrated.

Which games are best for babies under six months?

• Catch me 

Attach a small soft toy to a brightly-coloured ribbon. Dangle it in front of your baby and make it sway. When she reaches out to try and touch or grab it, give her lots of praise. Squeaky toys will also entice your baby to reach and grab, and help her practise her hand-eye co-ordination. 

• Chatterbox 

Have a conversation together. Your baby loves interacting with you and as she becomes more vocal. Responding to her coos, gurgles and grunts will also encourage her to understand and try to form words. 

Sit her facing you and when she says "aahh" say "aahh" in return. Encourage her to mimic you too. Try, for example, stretching the sounds out. Instead of "bah" say "baaaaaah". Or even add a new sound to a familiar one, for example "ooh-baaaah". 

• Bubble magic 

Most babies are fascinated by bubbles. Sit her in her bouncy chair or car seat and blow bubbles around her. See how she follows the bubbles with her eyes as they float down. 

Blow bubbles when she's outside in her buggy too. If she catches one she'll learn about cause and effect, touch a bubble and watch it go pop. (Remember to clean her hands afterwards so she doesn't get soapy water in her eyes.)

Which games are best for babies under nine months?

• Puppet show 

Make some simple finger puppets by cutting the fingers off old gloves. Give them ears, eyes and a mouth with pieces of glued-on felt. Show your baby how you can make them sing, dance, tickle and kiss. She'll love watching them come alive, and pretending that the puppets are real will help develop her imagination. 

• In and out 

Your baby loves emptying everything including drawers, your purse, boxes of tissues, bags. Turn this into a game you can both play. 

Fill a large plastic container or bowl with safe, interesting objects, such as blocks, small soft toys, rattles or measuring cups. Help your baby pick up the container and turn it upside down, then together fill the container up again. 

Handling different objects will help her learn about size, shape and weight as well as introducing concepts such as big and small, empty and full. 

• Adventure playground 

If your baby is on the move, build a miniature obstacle course out of cushions. Stay at ground level and peep out from behind them, or use a toy to encourage her to climb over them. This fun game will help develop her body strength, balance and co-ordination.

Which games are best for babies under 12 months?

• Kick ball 

Your baby doesn't need to be walking to have fun with a football. Place a lightweight, medium-sized ball in front of you and hold her firmly under the arms. Pick her up and swing her forward so her legs make contact with the ball. By doing this you can help her kick it across the floor. 

Swinging her legs helps your baby strengthen her tummy and leg muscles, and prepares her for playing football for real when she's older! 

• Tower power 

Gather together a collection of old cereal boxes, lightweight books, plastic bowls, yoghurt pots and baby blocks. Then work together to build a tower. Once it's up and ready, take it in turns to knock it down. Your baby will love watching it tumble. At the same time, she's learning about sizes and shapes. 

• Watch me! 

Your baby loves imitating you. If she sees you busy brushing your hair or wiping your face she'll try to copy what you're doing. Turn this instinct into a fun game by doing things like slapping your thigh, putting your hands on your head and blowing out your cheeks. 

Invent a silly song to go with your actions, and she'll learn new words too. Learning to imitate is one of the first steps towards imaginative play.

How to Play Games With Very Young Children

INFANTS

DURING THE EARLY MONTHS OF THEIR lives, babies learn about play through the games you gently involve them in.

FINGERS, FACES, AND TOES This Little Piggie Goes to Market is a wonderful game that your babies will want you to play over and overusing both fingers and toes. By five months, they love it when you chant "Ah-h-h, boom!" as you lean forward and slowly touch foreheads together.

PEEK-A-BOO! Play Peek-a-Boo games starting when babies are about six months old. Cover your face with your hands as you slowly peek around the edge of a baby's crib. Chant "peek a boo!" as you uncover your face and smile broadly into Baby's eyes. When a baby is familiar with this game, try placing a very light cloth over her. She will pull off the cloth with a smile as you exclaim in delight, "There you are, lovey. Peek-a-boo to you too!"

PAT-A-CAKE At about eight months and onward, try molding each baby's hands into the motions for "Pata-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man." You'll see big smiles as babies begin to clap their hands together enthusiastically to participate as you chant the words.

RIDE WITN ME! Even though your year-old babies cannot reach the foot pedals on a tricycle, gently place a child on a trike, put your hands over hers, and give her a ride by scooting the trike around the floor. And never forget, gentle dancing and swinging in your arms offers just as much special enjoyment.

SING WITH ME! Making up simple chants that describe each game adds to the pleasure of the play. For instance, you might happily chant, "We are going for a ride" over and over as you pull along a couple of babies who are snuggled into a blanket-lined laundry basket. Chanting "Roll, roll, roll the ball" can encourage a baby to try to roll a ball as she crawls after it.

TODDLERS

TODDLERS LOVE GAMES-THE ACTION, THE challenge, the fun!

CHASING AND FINDING Toddlers adore playing "You chase me!" Then they love to add the element of "I'll hide and you find me." As you play along looking for your hiding toddler, think out loud: "I wonder where Justin is. Where could my precious Justin be?" He may well call out cheerfully, "I in da cubby!" because, as you know, toddlers usually want to be found. They love a hug and a delighted exclamation of joy each time you "find" them-brave, courageous adventurers-in new hiding places or old ones. And then the game can begin again!

If you have a cardboard "house" in your toddler room, encourage two friends to take turns chasing each other. One can run into the house while the other peeks in the window to find him. Gales of laughter will ensue as the children glimpse each other. And often they'll keep switching turns, exchanging chances to be the runner or the peeker.

MARCHING Make sure you have plenty of pots and pans with covers to bang so everyone can march around the room and children can make lots of noise. Sing a marching song to add to the pleasure of the game. Some toddlers may also enjoy marching along with a push toy, such as a corn popper or a toy car on a string.

WORD PLAY AND HUMOR Toddlers love word games that change old, familiar chants and songs to make a "joke." For example, suppose you have sung "Baa baa black sheep. Have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full," hundreds of times. The next time you sing it, chant the words twice and then on the third time, vary the second line by singing: "Have you any carrots?" Toddlers will look up and smile as they see you grinning. Extend this kind of word play with older toddlers who know some verbal opposites by singing "three bags empty!" at the end of the song. Look joyfully mischievous and your toddlers will catch the joke and giggle along.

PLAYING AND LEARNING In your manipulative-play area, provide a variety of toys that challenge children a bit. (Many may require your participation-for example, setting up wooden train tracks with trestles and bridges.) Pegboards offer great opportunities for play and learning. Some have different shapes that help toddlers learn about squares, rectangles, circles, and triangles. Some have identical pegs in assorted colors, and these can be used to create patterns. As toddlers play, call out color names as well as encouraging words.

PRACTICING TENDER CARE Young children love taking care of and nurturing play animals such as teddy bears or a velour monkey. Provide blankets and make a little sleep crib out of an old box so children can give their toy animals or dollies a cozy nap.

BE A LOVING PLAY COMPANION Toddlers will often drag you by the hand to share their toy play. They need your admiring glances for encouragement, your chanting words as play accompaniment, and your reassuring support when nesting boxes or puzzles are hard to manage. They love when you sing "la la la" as they hammer on pounding toys or xylophone keys. Just remember: Don't jump in too soon to help. Provide enthusiastic encouragement as they struggle, and if a toddler's cardboard tower is knocked over by a peer galloping by, be ready to provide a lap and a hug to refuel the frustrated builder.

Most importantly, become a tuned-in play companion. Understand toddler frustrations with a toy that's too difficult, notice which toddlers prefer which toys, and support children's needs to play in particular ways. Your perceptive role as a "play partner" not only enhances classroom harmony: It also makes play time a special "together time."

Getting Your Sex Life Back After Giving Birth

Odds are that if you ask anyone about their sex life following the birth of their baby, they will tell you that they experienced significant changes. Reasons for the nose dive in sex following birth vary. For some women, there is residual pain due to episiotomy, tearing, cesarean scar tenderness, or even hemorrhoids. For others, vaginal dryness following the birth comes into play due to hormonal shifts related to birth and breastfeeding. However, the vast majority of the time the reason that sex suffers so significantly following the birth of a new baby is simple exhaustion.

The Uneven Distribution of Work

Although men today are more involved in the lives of their newborn children than at any other point in history, it is still women who are tasked with much of the child rearing. Following birth, women tend to carry a highly uneven load when it comes to childcare and housework. As if that weren't enough to keep them busy, a large percentage of women head back into the office at six weeks postpartum.

As it were, it seems that women are the ones who call the shots when it comes to sex in marriage, especially following the baby. One of the biggest reasons couples are not getting their groove on right after baby is exhaustion, but it's rarely related to the father's exhaustion.

After staying up all night rocking a crying baby, many mothers get up and head to work. They then come home only to cook and clean before falling back in bed for another brief, mainly sleepless night.

It is important for men to recognize this inequality and do what they can to balance the equation. Even very non-traditional couples seem to fall into highly traditional roles following the birth of a little one. Part of the reason for this is the nurturing nature of women, not to mention the fact that they are the ones with the breasts and the womb. Dad can really help mom out by taking on additional household chores and regularly offering to take the baby while mom naps.

With a little additional rest, mom may feel more up to getting it on.

All Touched Out

Another significant issue that is related to the fact that women are highly nurturing, is the fact that they often get much of the physical touch that they require as humans, from their children. Young infants need constant touching, cradling, and coddling. Furthermore, moms are attracted to the notion of being close to their children, which from a physiological standpoint was necessary for survival. You can't fight primal instinct people.

So at the end of the day, mom may not need the same amount of touching and physical contact that she once required to feel good about herself. However, dad still does and it's important for the success of marriage, that both parties have their physical and emotional needs met.

Women and men, following the birth of baby, should openly discuss their feelings on these issues. Touch is important, women need to touch their husbands, and husbands need to be touched. That doesn't mean that sex has to happen.

Hugging, cuddling, kissing, and even some light making out can help to facilitate the missing physical affection. It is important, however, that couples discuss the fact that this may not lead to sex, so that neither party feels rejected when it does not.

Just Do It

Clearly, do not hop into the sack before you are physically able. Healing from birth takes some women a few days and others several months. Most care providers recommend waiting until after the traditional six week postpartum checkup to resume sex, though this is a mostly arbitrary time.

The issue at hand, however, is the fact that most women still have a lagging sex drive long after they have healed. It may not be feminist, politically correct, or even nice, but sex is an important part of marriage. Do not force yourself to do anything before you are ready, but once in awhile try to bite the bullet and go for it.

The best thing to do is schedule a weekly or- depending on your resources- monthly date. If possible, plan to be alone so that you have plenty of time to get to know each other all over again, practice foreplay, and savor the moment. If you can't get time away, then it may need to be a quickie. Either way, commit yourself to making love to your husband and follow through on the commitment.

After it has started, odds are that you will get into it. Often we fail to have sex after baby because we just don't feel sexy. One reason we don't feel sexy, is because we aren't having sex. It is a vicious cycle, which you must break in order to move on.

When most new mums resume sex after birth

Most new mums start having sex again six to eight weeks after giving birth to their first child, a new study has revealed.

Conducted by a team at the Murdoch Childrens Research Institute, and looking at the sexual habits of 1507 first-time mothers living in Melbourne, the research found that 41 per cent of mums had resumed vaginal sex within six weeks after delivery.

This is useful information for couples to know, and may help reduce feelings of anxiety and guilt about not resuming sexual activity sooner 

By eight weeks, that number had risen to 65 per cent by eight weeks, then 78 per cent by 12 weeks.

Six months after birth, 94 per cent of women had resumed their sex life.

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Some sort of sexual activity usually took place before vaginal sex, with 53 per cent saying they had engaged in a sexual activity in the first six-week period.  

The study's lead author, Associate Professor Stephanie Brown, said that the most important finding from the study is the wide time frame in which couples resume sex. 

"Most couples do not resume sex until after six to eight weeks postpartum, [but] many delay much longer than this," she said. 

"This is useful information for couples to know before their baby is born, and may help reduce feelings of anxiety and guilt about not resuming sexual activity sooner."

The study found that older mums took longer to get back into sex. In the 30-34 age group, 40 per cent of woman started having sex again in the first six-week period, compared with 63 per cent of women aged 18-24.

Mums who underwent a caesarean or who had intervention also spent a longer period of time before resuming sexual activity: at six weeks, 45 per cent of women who had a C-section, and 32 percent who had forceps involved, said they had resumed vaginal sex.

Experiencing an incision or tear in the perineum also lengthened the time before sex started again. Only 32 per cent of women who had had an incision, and 35 per cent who had a tear, had resumed their sex life by six weeks, in comparison to the 60 per cent of women who had no intervention in a normal vaginal birth.

John Thorp, deputy editor in chief of the BJOG: An International Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, in which the study was published, said, "It is very common for women and their partners to want information about when sexual activity may be safely and comfortably resumed, and what to expect in relation to the impact of childbirth on their relationship."

"Having reliable information to guide clinical practice can dispel common myths about what is normal during the postnatal period, as well as enabling clinicians to tailor information to a woman's individual circumstances. This study provides important new evidence to guide information given to women and their partners about what to expect after childbirth.

"However, it is important to remember that these decisions are down to the individual couple and when it feels right for them."

How To Keep your relationship strong after the baby

But is there enough love to go around?

Researchers at the Murdoch Childrens Research Institute in Victoria have been interviewing 1500 new mothers about their sexual health and intimacy as part of a longitudinal study. They found many women reported feeling less physically and emotionally satisfied in their relationship after childbirth and women were largely unprepared for the changes. "Lifestyle changes associated with having a baby, loss of freedom and loss of time together as a couple are challenges for all new parents and can be overwhelming at times," they wrote.

"For some women, motherhood and sexuality are experienced as contradictory roles." And most women said they had sex less often, even after 12 months, compared to before they fell pregnant, with intimacy taking a back seat to the love and energy being poured into their newborn.

Associate Professor Stephanie Brown, head of the Mother Infant Stream at the institute and one of the researchers on the Maternal Health Study, says many women also deal with body image issues which have an impact on their relationship. Breastfeeding was seen as unsexy and the physical recovery from childbirth, tiredness, pain and loss of libido all took their toll.

"The focus of everybody's attention tends to go to the baby, but you need healthy mothers and healthy fathers to have healthy children," she says. Robin Barker, author of parenting bible, Baby Love (Pan Macmillan), says the birth of a child is one of the most testing times of a relationship. "A lot of relationships stumble, even the good ones, after the euphoria wears off, but they tend to bounce back again," she says. "As things settle down and everyone gets a bit more sleep and works out how to share the workload, it can potentially create stronger relationships."

Couples who had rocky relationships to begin with tend to find a child only exacerbates the problems. "Everybody goes through hassles," Barker says. "Most, if you love each other and have a good foundation, will sort it out but it takes time. Try and get some time out as a couple and separately." Anne Hollonds, psychologist and Relationships Australia chief executive, puts it bluntly: "The birth of a first child can be catastrophic to a relationship. It sounds dramatic, but it can be. Essentially, there is not enough emotional support to go around because both parents are completely overwhelmed. It's a real test of a partnership."

Relationships Australia runs a seminar called Expect the Unexpected, a health check-up of the relationship before the baby arrives, where couples look at their strengths and weaknesses, build on the strengths and address the weaknesses. Brisbane-based obstetrician and gynaecologist Dr Gino Pecoraro says there is life after a baby.

"Things will change. The big thing is they are time poor, their sleep patterns are altered in the first few months and that's a great way to wreck your libido," says Pecoraro. "It's a challenge, but also one of the greatest things to strengthen a relationship. I tell patients their lives will never be the same again, but that this isn't a bad thing."

Some issues that cause tension, says Barker, include lack of sleep, sharing the workload, money and mortgage repayments when a couple switches to a single income, interfering grandparents and sex or the lack thereof. "Sex is a big issue," says Barker. "It appears from many surveys that men get quite sex deprived. Women tend to not feel like it for a long time and men tend to suffer in silence. Some people go months, even years without; others start again quite early."

Obstetricians generally discuss the resumption of a sex life with women at their six-week post-natal check-up. For some it's way too early, for others it's too late. The Maternal Health Study found 40 per cent of women had attempted to have sex six weeks after birth, and after 12 weeks, that figure had doubled to 81 per cent. Three months after giving birth, tiredness was the most common issue women saw as affecting their sex life, at 88 per cent, followed by lack of time (72 per cent) and pain or tenderness (47 per cent).

Professor Brown says it's important couples agree on priorities, "whether it's about sex, sleep or caring for the child and working out where sex is in that priority list". "Women could feel guilty because they're depriving their partner of sexual intimacy but when they discuss it with their partner, the partner didn't feel that way at all. It's important to talk about it as a couple."

Sex therapist and author Dr Rosie King says there's nothing like a new baby to disrupt a relationship. "You have to recognise there is a normal lull in sexual activity after a baby is born. Try to keep the relationship going in terms of affection. Be affectionate and loving and keep the goodwill going even if sex is on the backburner."

Keep your relationship strong after the baby

Having a child can be hard on any relationship. Here's how to make sure you and your partner adjust to life after your first baby.

The birth of a first child can test even the strongest of relationships.Yes, there's that sheer euphoria that you've created this new human life to which you channel your unconditional love. But is there enough love to go around? Researchers at the Murdoch Childrens Research Institute in Victoria have been interviewing 1500 new mothers about their sexual health and intimacy as part of a longitudinal study. They found many women reported feeling less physically and emotionally satisfied in their relationship after childbirth and women were largely unprepared for the changes.

"Lifestyle changes associated with having a baby, loss of freedom and loss of time together as a couple are challenges for all new parents and can be overwhelming at times," they wrote. "For some women, motherhood and sexuality are experienced as contradictory roles." And most women said they had sex less often, even after 12 months, compared to before they fell pregnant, with intimacy taking a back seat to the love and energy being poured into their newborn.

Associate Professor Stephanie Brown, head of the Mother Infant Stream at the institute and one of the researchers on the Maternal Health Study, says many women also deal with body image issues which have an impact on their relationship. Breastfeeding was seen as unsexy and the physical recovery from childbirth, tiredness, pain and loss of libido all took their toll.

"The focus of everybody's attention tends to go to the baby, but you need healthy mothers and healthy fathers to have healthy children," she says. Robin Barker, author of parenting bible, Baby Love (Pan Macmillan), says the birth of a child is one of the most testing times of a relationship."A lot of relationships stumble, even the good ones, after the euphoria wears off, but they tend to bounce back again," she says. "As things settle down and everyone gets a bit more sleep and works out how to share the workload, it can potentially create stronger relationships."

Couples who had rocky relationships to begin with tend to find a child only exacerbates the problems. "Everybody goes through hassles," Barker says. "Most, if you love each other and have a good foundation, will sort it out but it takes time. Try and get some time out as a couple and separately." Anne Hollonds, psychologist and Relationships Australia chief executive, puts it bluntly: "The birth of a first child can be catastrophic to a relationship.

It sounds dramatic, but it can be. Essentially, there is not enough emotional support to go around because both parents are completely overwhelmed. It's a real test of a partnership." Relationships Australia runs a seminar called Expect the Unexpected, a health check-up of the relationship before the baby arrives, where couples look at their strengths and weaknesses, build on the strengths and address the weaknesses. Brisbane-based obstetrician and gynaecologist Dr Gino Pecoraro says there is life after a baby

"Things will change. The big thing is they are time poor, their sleep patterns are altered in the first few months and that's a great way to wreck your libido," says Pecoraro. "It's a challenge, but also one of the greatest things to strengthen a relationship. I tell patients their lives will never be the same again, but that this isn't a bad thing." Some issues that cause tension, says Barker, include lack of sleep, sharing the workload, money and mortgage repayments when a couple switches to a single income, interfering grandparents and sex or the lack thereof.

"Sex is a big issue," says Barker. "It appears from many surveys that men get quite sex deprived. Women tend to not feel like it for a long time and men tend to suffer in silence. Some people go months, even years without; others start again quite early." Obstetricians generally discuss the resumption of a sex life with women at their six-week post-natal check-up. For some it's way too early, for others it's too late.

The Maternal Health Study found 40 per cent of women had attempted to have sex six weeks after birth, and after 12 weeks, that figure had doubled to 81 per cent. Three months after giving birth, tiredness was the most common issue women saw as affecting their sex life, at 88 per cent, followed by lack of time (72 per cent) and pain or tenderness (47 per cent). Professor Brown says it's important couples agree on priorities, "whether it's about sex, sleep or caring for the child and working out where sex is in that priority list". "Women could feel guilty because they're depriving their partner of sexual intimacy but when they discuss it with their partner, the partner didn't feel that way at all. It's important to talk about it as a couple."

Sex therapist and author Dr Rosie King says there's nothing like a new baby to disrupt a relationship. "You have to recognise there is a normal lull in sexual activity after a baby is born. Try to keep the relationship going in terms of affection. Be affectionate and loving and keep the goodwill going even if sex is on the backburner."

Dads: how can I persuade my partner to take an interest in sex again?

It's not surprising that you're upset. Men use sex to feel close to their partner. Unfortunately, women need to feel close before they feel sexual. So how do you bridge the gap? 

Think of foreplay starting long before the bedroom door, like at breakfast time! Take your partner shopping to buy something that will make her feel more like a woman and less like a mum. That doesn't mean underwear! That will make her feel obliged and that's a huge turn-off. 

Give her compliments when she is looking nice. Send her a loving text from work. Run her a bath and bring her glass of wine. Anything that makes her feel cherished. 

And here is the most important ingredient: don't pester for sex. However much you feel that you have deserved it, pestering is the biggest turn-off of all and will put you back to square one. 

It's hard, but you don't want your partner to have sex to keep you quiet. This will not fulfil your need to be cherished either. 

After giving birth, your partner would have felt far from horny. If she's breastfeeding, she may feel she already has enough demands on her body. However, she can still become turned on. It just takes a little more time. 

Unfortunately, men, if we're being honest, are focused on our penises. If we have an erection, we want to get straight on with it. So we may rush towards intercourse before our partners are truly ready. 

When it comes to touching, focus on everything beyond your partner's breasts and genitals for at least 10 minutes. Experiment with different touches, soft, firm, barely brushing her skin with the tips of your fingers. 

Help her feel truly relaxed and turned on. Keep an eye on the alarm clock to be sure that 10 minutes have truly passed. Then start to cover her in kisses, still avoiding her genital area. 

Make her feel that you cherish every part of her body. She may feel differently about her body after giving birth, and a tender touch is worth a hundred words. Finally, after a good 15 minutes, when you're sure she's ready, you can move to her breasts and genitals with your tongue or fingers. 

You might even skip intercourse altogether and just have a cuddle or enjoy mutual masturbation. This breaks the link, probably in both of your minds, that sex equals intercourse. This all-or-nothing approach can leave you stranded on opposite sides of the bed. 

But if sex is a whole menu of ways to be physically intimate, you will have a much stronger love life. After all, you will often be too tired for intercourse, but nobody is ever too tired to be stroked or cuddled. 

How to Have Great Sex After Having a Baby

Getting back into a fit enough state to be sexually active is actually quite a scary part of giving birth and not a lot of women like to discuss it. However, it's important to realize that there is sex after birth and eventually, the sex can be just as good as before baby.

Steps

• 1

Be sure that every complication that might have occurred as a result of the birth is dealt with adequately. If you have vaginal tears, bleeding, internal health issues, etc., these must be dealt with properly by the doctors caring for you before you can contemplate resuming a normal sex life. Both physically and psychologically, poor healing after birth can cause you a lot of difficulties and pain and may ruin the experience for you.

• 2

Ask your doctor for appropriate exercises to help you get back your strength and lessen any vaginal, stomach, or other pain without problems. If you had a Caesarean section, you will also need to take into account the need to recover from the surgery. Exercise is usually the best way to get back your strength and to help you heal well. Also, keep up your nutrition so that you stay healthy.

• 3

Don't worry about your body shape. If you are concerned about post-baby fat dampening the mood, this can cause you to feel anxious and even embarrassed. It's perfectly natural to change shape after a baby; you're still a beautiful person and your partner is well aware that you have just had a baby!

• 4

Start slowly. Rather than trying to resume sexual relations in the same way as prior to baby, experiment slowly at first and see what is comfortable for you. If it's just cuddling and kissing to begin with, that's fine.

• 5

Make changes to positions if needed. You might need to experiment with different approaches to lovemaking after baby, at least until you feel like your old self again. Don't be afraid to guide your partner and to speak up when you'd rather try something different.

• 6

Take it slowly. Eventually you will find your sex life is back to normal and as great as always. It just takes patience and sometimes some rearranging of your approaches.

How to Have Great Postpartum Sex

Readiness Issues

Congratulations on giving birth to your baby! So, when can you start having sex again, and what should you do to prepare? Here are some general guidelines to follow for postpartum sex. Remember to check with your doctor or midwife about birth control first.

If you had a normal birth...

Most new mothers are advised to hold off on intercourse until six weeks after delivery, which is when they have their postpartum checkup. You'll want to make sure that you've had a chance to heal, and that the lochia (discharge of leftover blood and uterine tissue) has stopped. Pay attention to your body -- the time your body takes to recover is largely individual. Your partner should wear a condom, and you might need to use a personal lubricant.

If you had an episiotomy, c-section, or other procedure...

If you had an episiotomy or other laceration, the time it takes to heal will depend on how extensive it was and where the cutting was done. Even at six weeks, women who have had this procedure will probably still have discomfort if they attempt intercourse. Fortunately, there are ways to alleviate some of that discomfort. In some cases, an over-the-counter, water-based vaginal lubricant can help.

Other factors affecting readiness

Your hormones won't return to normal until after you've begun menstruating again. That may not be for four to 12 weeks after delivery. If you're breastfeeding, it might take considerably longer.

Also, caring for a newborn day and night may leave you too fatigued to want sex. You might feel "touched out" after cuddling a newborn much of the day. Talk to your partner about your feelings.

Making love after birth

Your question is very appropriate because many women are anxious to resume an active sex life after giving birth and are afraid to ask their care providers about this issue.

You may be surprised to learn that the restrictions regarding resumption of sexual intercourse after birth are largely a result of "folk wisdom." There are no research-based studies that show an ideal waiting time. Women should be given the freedom to chose when they wish to resume sex after birth.

It is observed that it takes approximately six weeks for the uterus to return to "normal" size after vaginal birth. So, early "authorities" felt that the proscription against intercourse should coincide with this landmark.

What we actually see in practice, however, is that some women are emotionally and physically ready for intercourse much earlier. Williams Obstetrics, a respected text, states: "following an uncomplicated delivery, a six-week abstinence from intercourse makes little sense. It can be safely resumed in as little as three weeks or when comfort can be maintained".

From your description, it sounds as if you may be ready for intercourse far earlier than some other women. If you have had no tearing or episiotomy, and your lochia (bleeding) has changed from red to pink and is scant in amount, it is probably fine for you to resume sexual relations as soon as two weeks postpartum. I would advise this additional week to assure the healing and closure of the cervix.

You will want to protect yourself from another pregnancy by using a contraceptive method.

You should not resume sexual relations if you have any fever, malodorous discharge or red bleeding.

For some women, it takes much longer than six weeks until they are ready to make love. Advice should be provided to women based on individual variations.

A review entitled "Sexuality during Pregnancy and the Year Postpartum" was published in The Journal of Family Practice (1998) by J. Byrd et al. 47(4), 305-8. It reported that "there is little agreement in the findings of research on the resumption of sexual activity following childbirth". They state that "at five to seven weeks postpartum, only 50 percent of women had resumed intercourse." Numerous reasons have been suggested for the delay in resumption of vaginal intercourse after childbirth. The principal ones are: pain related to an episiotomy; vaginal bleeding or discharge; fatigue and discomfort related to inadequate lubrication of the vagina, due to low levels of estrogen in the postpartum period.

Women who have had a lengthy labor following a high risk pregnancy or women who have had a birth assisted by a vacuum extraction, forceps or cesarean, may not wish, nor perhaps should they, resume intercourse until 8 to 12 weeks postpartum, or perhaps even longer. Women who suffer extensive perineal tearing, or those with a large episiotomy or mediolateral episiotomy, may not be "comfortable" for several months after the birth. 

Everything You Wanted to Know About Having Sex After Giving Birth But Were Afraid to Ask

Worried about how long it takes after birth before you feel like you in the romance department again? Thankfully, there are timelines aplenty telling you exactly how long it should take for you to resume many of your pre-baby activities. You should be back to your pre-baby weight in six months! You should have your period back in three months! You should be back to work in four weeks! And, unless you want to risk your happiness, husband's happiness, baby's happiness, husband's friends' happiness, and the very fidelity of your marriage, you best get your man's hot P back up in that V in exactly 42 days.

That's right! Six weeks is when the medical community says you're good to go to get down to doin' it again. So get up here! Gitcha shirt off! Pro tip: It might be the last thing on your mind or even really painful, but you should still do it, because doing it matters. However, it will be touch and go keeping your partner into you during this desperate, unhappy life-dampening desert of a month-and-a-half where there is No Sex. Or, as a coworker of my husband's told him knowingly: "Longest-six-weeks-a-yer-life, bro."

I understand you'll have some questions.

Does it really have to be a hot P?

I'm afraid so. And the warmer the better. Cold P is as good as no P at all, as they say in Argentina. The good news is that you're cleared within four hours of delivery to administer sweet handjobs to get things cooking, and, it is advised that you continue to do so every hour on the hour until the 42 days have passed, just to cover all your bases.

What if I don't feel like it?

Precisely what you can "feel," you'll soon learn, is a relative term. What feels like an oddly shaped steel cube being inserted into your vag the first time you have sex again might very well be your husband's P lovingly entering you. Luckily, you've got 42 days to figure it out how you'll "feel" about that. But forget feelings, get out a calendar and get to lubing something already.

Will my husband understand if it takes a little longer than 42 days for me to be ready?

Absolutely not. According to the literature, he's an oafish idiot who thinks that the second the baby comes out, the second he can get back to business. He doesn't even know about the 42 days! Also, he doesn't understand why you might think sex is "tiring." He's wondering why you're not "into it." And even if he's putting exactly as much effort into newborn care as you are, he's still got a massive bone on just like always, that roustabout, and is very confused and hurt by your unwillingness to "give it up." He'll be having elaborate, creative daydreams about every woman he's ever met while you're in the bathroom changing your Swiffer pad.

Oh no. How can I get him to notice me again in spite of the fact that I'm still healing from childbirth, am exhausted, possibly depressed and haven't lost all the baby weight?

First, order satin sheets for all beds in the house, including the couch and the baby's crib. Second, perform a strip-tease routine every single night upon his return from work, always varying your hair color, technique, outfit and breast size. Third, round-the-clock handjobs are critical — this cannot be stressed enough. This may require enlisting your friends or sisters, but a serviced man is a happy man. Fourth, you'll need to drug your husband quickly just as you finish the striptease, order a surrogate vagina (ahem, Real Doll) who'll swoop in at the last minute and finish him off, thereby giving him the sense of having been satisfied by you but without any of the mess, and of course, without you risking infection. One caveat: This only gets you through the first four weeks and it is advisable to have a backup plan for those two crucial weeks just before the 42 days are up. You'll also need a nanny, a night nurse, and a full-time fluffer on staff.

But what about the baby?

Right! You'll have approximately 36 seconds to complete intercourse including warm-up, full contact, surrogate vagina and all post-sex reflections.

But what about oral sex?

I have a younger sister who, when she was little, was always like, "I wanna be a cash register when I grow up" and we were like, "Come on, a cash register? Like, don't you mean like a cashier? Because a cashier can actually touch the money and stuff, whereas the cash register just has to hold it," and she was like, "Nope, a cash register." It's kinda like that.

What happens when I can finally do it? Will I enjoy it at all?

Maybe? I hear some of us come out of this thing good as new and rarin' to go. Some of us are filled with the desire for contact but find ourselves suddenly in possession of a rogue vagina who refuses to obey her master's orders. Those of us so afflicted might feel so temporarily disconnected from said vagina that we lay there like a dead carp who also happens to be participating in a medical experiment in which we have been instructed to give blunt, clinical commentary. For instance:

Attempt 1:

Him: Does it hurt?
You: Yeah. We should stop.

Attempt 2:

Him: Does it hurt? Because I can feel you wincing.
You: Yep. We should stop.

Attempt 3:

Him: How does that feel?
You: Well, it's like I can definitely feel it, but it definitely still hurts. Steel cube. We should stop.

Attempt 4:

Him: How about this time?
You: It's like I can feel it on the left side but not the right, and it actually doesn't hurt as much in the upper third quadrant as it did two weeks ago, except this time I just don't care.

Attempt 5:

Him: That feels good, right?
You: Yeah, it actually is starting to feel really — shit, is that the baby crying?