How to rekindle your sex life after a baby for dads: 2

When you and your partner have your first baby, it's supposed to bring you closer in every way. But what happens if your partner stops wanting to have sex now she's a mom? BabyCenter dads have asked for advice on getting the intimacy back into their relationships with their wives. New moms' (and dads') responses were very enlightening -- here they are.

"Have you tried talking to her about it? Perhaps she is feeling strange about it herself and needs a heart to heart. Pick your moment and try to mention it in a casual way. Perhaps there is more to it - like her self perception?"

Find out how she's feeling

-- Karen 

"I know that after a good heart to heart, me and my DH were both feeling misunderstood. I didn't see how sex could be so important when I was tired and hormonal and the baby was in the crib next door, while he felt a little neglected as if I cared for the baby more than him. After a good long chat, we both felt much better. Things didn't change overnight, but we felt that we understood each other. Keep talking, and let her know in lots of ways that she is special.

-- Littleblue 

"I know how you are feeling - you're feeling rejected and unloved. But stick with it, and most of all talk to her about it. She may burst into tears but that's good if she just needs to release some stress. And definitely get away for a 'dirty weekend'!"

-- Ian 

"Have you tried talking to her? She may be frustrated by it herself, and going through a lot? Finding ways together to overcome the problem, and planning some quality time sounds like a good idea to me."

-- Ruthy 

"My first piece of advice to you, if you haven't done it already, is sit down and talk to your wife. I'm sure she's more than aware of the drop in your 'activities'. There are all sorts of possible reasons why she's not wanting sex so often, but until you talk to her about it then you're just guessing as to the reason why and it's therefore difficult to fix. First of all, many women's libidos drop dramatically after having a child (hormones), plus there's the added factor of just being completely exhausted. She might also feel resentful that you're making demands on her already depleted energies. She may also feel upset at how pregnancy has changed her body and feel that she is not as attractive as she used to be. Whatever the reason, I do think it's important not to put too much pressure on her - the more you push the more she'll push you away. Let her know how much you love her, and how beautiful and sexy you find her, but at the same time tell her that you are aware of her feelings and reassure her that if you kiss or cuddle her it's not going to lead to sex unless she wants it to. If she feels that she can be more physically affectionate with you without it leading to more then the physical contact might increase and with a bit of luck will lead to some nookie! I think the most important thing is to talk about it, and be patient."

-- Lana's Mom

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