How to teach your baby to smoothe himself to sleep

You can't really teach your baby how to self-soothe, but you can provide him with the opportunity to teach himself. Given the right circumstances and the right stage of development, usually between 3 and 6 months of age, it will happen on its own. It's like learning to crawl: If you always carry your baby, he'll never have a chance to discover crawling, since he'll never be on the floor long enough to figure it out. It's the same thing with self-soothing: If you always nurse or rock your baby to sleep, he'll never have a chance to learn how to soothe himself to sleep.

How can you help your baby do this? First, you need to set the stage, which includes two things: a regular bedtime and a consistent routine. A bedtime that occurs at the same time every night will set your baby's internal clock so that he's naturally sleepy at a predictable time. The bedtime routine should happen in the place you want your baby to sleep and include three or four soothing activities, such as taking a bath, reading a story and having a cuddle, that let him know it's time for "night-night." When the bedtime routine is finished, put your baby to bed drowsy but awake.

Many babies will surprise you and drift off to sleep without much protest. Other babies, especially older ones who may have come to depend on being nursed or rocked to sleep, will need a bit of practice. Remember, self-soothing is just like crawling — it takes time and opportunity. You can teach your baby all at once and wait outside your baby's room, checking on him as frequently or infrequently as you wish. Or you can make it a more gradual process, sitting next to your baby's crib and easing yourself farther away each night — sitting in the middle of the room, sitting in the doorway and so on.

If your baby is used to breast- or bottle-feeding as he goes to sleep in your arms, you'll have to break his need to suck to sleep. You can move your child's feeding to earlier in the bedtime routine or slowly reduce the number of ounces or number of minutes of this feeding. Or when you see your baby starting to drift off during a feeding, promptly end his meal and finish the rest of the bedtime routine before laying him down.

Although some people believe that you should never wake a sleeping baby, keep the big picture in mind. On any particular night, waking your baby after he's drifted off may seem crazy, especially when you're beat and have a million things to do before turning in yourself. But when you remember your long-term goal of helping your baby develop the ability to soothe himself to sleep, both at bedtime and when he naturally wakes up during the night, it's well worth doing.

What happens if you've given your baby plenty of chances to self-soothe and he just can't seem to do it? Take a step back and try to figure out why. Perhaps he's simply too young and doesn't yet have the developmental ability to self-soothe, just as a 3-month-old can spend hours on the living room floor yet still won't be able to crawl .In this case, wait a few days, weeks or even months before trying again.

Or maybe your baby is too tired — and thus too overwrought — to settle down by himself. In this case, try moving his bedtime a bit earlier so he isn't a complete wreck by lights-out. Finally, think about whether you're really giving your baby an opportunity to find ways to soothe himself, or are rushing in to comfort him at his first peep and depriving him of the chance to figure it out on his own.

Most important, keep your goal in mind: Developing the ability to soothe himself to sleep will enable your baby to snooze for longer stretches and put himself back to sleep when he naturally wakes up during the night, allowing him to get the rest he needs to grow and thrive. What's more, self-soothing is an important life skill that will serve your baby well not just at bedtime but also in other situations, such as when he's separated from you at daycare or even when you momentarily walk out of the room, when he gets frustrated trying to master all those other important skills such as — you guessed it — crawling, or when he's just feeling fussy.

Help a High Need Baby go to Sleep and Stay Asleep

High need babies not only need help falling asleep, they often need help staying asleep. Here are ways to keep them asleep so that you can stay asleep, too.

1. Sleep where baby sleeps best. Every mom, dad, and baby must work out and keep evaluating what sleeping arrangement will get everyone a restful night's sleep most of the time. Some high need babies seem to have a critical distance for contented sleeping. For some, sleeping too far away from their parents gives them an acute case of nighttime separation anxiety, causing them to awaken frequently. Other babies get hyperstimulated by sleeping too close to the parents, and awaken frequently there. Parents also vary in the amount of nighttime attachment that gives them the most restful night's sleep. Some mothers do not sleep well with their babies too far away from them, some fathers do not sleep well with their infants too close, and sometimes both parents are very anxious about one extreme or the other.

When baby sleeps too close to me he fusses. When he sleeps too far from me he fusses. I keep experimenting with different sleeping distances, and it changes from week to week.

There came a point where exhaustion overwhelmed me. Our other two children had slept with us as babies, but I was afraid to put our 3-pound, 13-ounce premature baby in bed with me. I feared I'd fall asleep and my breast would smother her. Her nose was the size of my pinky finger. But one night after weeks of walking the floor with a crying baby, I snuggled her in bed with me and figured one night without bottles or breast pumping would be okay. We were there for seven hours. It was heaven! From then on we went to bed together, and we slept! She would nurse frequently during the night, but she never cried. This was the beginning of our sharing sleep together. I was amazed at her needs for physical closeness to me, despite the fact that she'd spent most of her short life alone in ICU. I embraced this need with joy. Those primal instincts are not easily squelched. I began to see her high need personality as a positive sign; looking on the bright side, high need babies have finely tuned survival instincts.

I resisted any idea of sleeping with my baby until one night I thought, "Well, we slept together for nine months and it didn't kill either of us. Defying everything I had been told, and following my instincts I took her to bed with me. 

2. Vary your nighttime response. Whether nightwaking is the result of a need or a habit is a judgment call, and a difficult one. Babies would claim they need comfort; sleep trainers claim it's a habit. The goal of nighttime parenting is to make it more attractive for baby to stay asleep than to wake up.

For example, if every time the older baby awakens you "reward" the awakening, you set yourself up for many more wakeful nights. Yet, it's a natural maternal instinct, especially for a breastfeeding first-time mother, to rush to comfort a toddler back to sleep using his favorite pacifier. Suppose each time you awakened, your favorite person instantly rewarded you with your favorite treat. How motivated would you be to stay asleep?

At the other extreme is playing deaf to all nightwaking to "let baby cry it out" and "break the nightwaking habit." This is common advice given by sleep trainers and well-meaning friends who are not there at 3 a.m. and who have no connection to the baby who is awakening. Few mothers are able to be insensitive to their baby's nighttime needs, and besides, most high need babies will outlast any scheme to let them cry it out. They just keep on crying. They don't learn to put themselves back to sleep. They just get angry and frightened.

It helps to have a variety of ways to comfort nightwakers, so baby learns that nighttime needs can be filled, many different ways. Develop a large repertoire of nighttime responses depending on the age of your baby:

• feeding (a newborn needs to be fed; a one-year-old probably doesn't) 
• sucking 
• tummy-patting 
• singing a lullaby 
• rocking 
• snuggling 
• reassuring voices 

For nighttime sanity's sake, it's helpful for mother and father to share night-comforting. You'll appreciate one another rather than resent one another.

We took shifts during the nighttime hours. I would get up and nurse her or I'd just pull her next to me in bed. If she wouldn't fall asleep, Michael would walk with her or we would just both get up together. Sometimes we'd watch this hilarious 3 a.m. television show. If Michael was walking with her then I'd get some letters written or do some reading, and make it productive time instead of just feeling frustrated that it was a waste.

Realistically, high need babies are notoriously resistant to most nighttime tricks, especially the popular sleep training strategies which are just modern versions of the ancient cry-it-out method. As described on page these babies have a strong mindset. They want what they want, and any alternative is met with a wailing protest. If babies awaken expecting their mother's breasts but get a plastic plug instead, most babies will indignantly protest your trick to the entire neighborhood.

Keep in mind that your goal is to condition your child to sleep, not awaken. Try to meet his nighttime needs in a relaxed and boring fashion. Give him a sense that nighttime is different from day, and we don't usually play in the middle of the night. It's not that you don't meet your baby's needs at night, but you recognize that the main need at this time is for sleep and a well-rested mother in the morning. Once again, what helps to keep you calm so you can truly help baby be calm is to let go of the expectation that you should be getting an uninterrupted stretch of sleep.

3. Time your response and be boring. Keep working at your cry response until you find the one that resettles your baby the fastest and disturbs your rest the least. Some mothers find a quick response works best; they know from experience that those first sounds will escalate into a family-arousing wail if ignored. At the first whimper, you immediately comfort your baby by letting him suck, tummy-patting, holding, rocking, singing softly, hand on tummy putting pressure to make baby feel held and warm, rock the cradle, whatever works before baby completely awakens -- and you completely awaken. If baby is in bed next to you, try hugging him in close to you in the teddy bear snuggle. Bottle babies may settle if you help them find a thumb or pacifier. Sometimes just helping an older baby find a better sleep position works. Many mothers find this quick response works best for high need babies because you get to them before they get revved up to a full awakening, from which it will take longer for both you and baby to resettle. This approach works best if baby is nearby or in your bed rather than in his own room, unless you have a very sensitive monitor and sleep with one ear awake.

Other mothers find the slow response works better. If you don't rush in to comfort baby at the first whimper, baby may not awaken fully and will drift back into deep sleep without intervention or baby may awaken and resettle herself back to sleep without your help. Babies with easier temperaments and older babies are more likely to resettle themselves.

There are risks and benefits to both approaches. Responding too quickly may reward the baby for waking and short-circuit his developing ability to self-comfort. Responding too slowly allows baby to fully awaken and become frightened or angry at the slow response. This will make it more difficult to settle baby and yourself back to sleep. Somewhere between these extremes is the right response for your family, and it may change at each stage of baby's development.

When comforting a nightwaker, try not to reinforce the waking. If you rush in and scoop up baby with a panicky voice and tense arms, you convey that there really is something to be scared about at night. Instead, be quiet, calm, soothing while you give an "It's okay to sleep" message.

4. Detect irritants that could cause restlessness. Remember, many high need babies are hypersensitive to noise and uncomfortable irritants. While most infants are not awakened by these stimuli, supersensitive babies are. As much as you can, minimize noises that startle and bodily discomforts that irritate. This requires putting on your detective cap, analyzing your baby's sleeping environment and, as much as possible, removing any stimuli that could awaken baby. Use the following checklist as your guide.

Stuffy noses. Plugged noses awaken tiny babies. Babies under six months don't readily switch to mouth-breathing if their noses are plugged. Keep baby's sleeping environment as free of nasal irritants as possible: cigarette smoke, animal dander, mother's perfume or hairspray, dust from stuffed animals, etc. Clues that a nighttime, stuffy nose is the problem include: persistent restlessness; noisy, throaty breathing; and difficult nursing at night. In addition to removing possible nasal irritants, "hose your baby's nose" using over-the-counter salt-water nose drops and an infant nasal suction bulb. 

Irritating sleepwear. Some babies cannot settle in synthetic sleepwear. Change to 100 percent cotton clothing to see if your baby sleeps better. 

Environmental irritants. The same things that can cause a stuffy nose (see above) can also cause a general irritability at night. If you've ever experienced a tickle far back on your palate that you can't get to, you'll have some idea what an internal irritation can do to disturb baby's sleep. This irritation may be present at other times besides sleep time, but baby won't usually notice it in his busy waking hours. Like teething pains, physical discomfort is so much worse at night because there is no distraction from it. 

Dietary sensitivities. Hypersensitive babies may have food intolerance's. Like environmental irritants, certain foods in baby's diet (and your diet while you are breastfeeding) can cause internal irritation. 

I want to thank you for your sensitivity and intuition as Ian's doctor. When I brought him into you I was "beside myself," "at the end of my rope." He wasn't sleeping at all during the day or at night. At night it was the worst. From 8:00 p.m. till 2:00 a.m. he would wrench up, pull his knees up to his chest and scream. It was impossible to calm him, hold him, or even nurse him. I tried everything; swinging, rocking, walking and sleeping with him. The list is endless. I refused to believe he was colicky. I explained to you what he did and you said it sounded like something external rather than internal.

I thought about what you said and thought the only time he is content is when we change him and he has no clothes on. I realized I was putting him in 100% polyester nightgowns in the evenings when he was the worst. He was totally miserable. During the day he was usually in something 50/50 cotton/polyester and was less miserable.

So I came home and put him in 100% cotton diapers, cotton clothes, cotton blanket, and cotton bedding. I couldn't believe it! I had a new baby in my arms. He was totally calm and content. He even started cooing and smiling and seemed happy. It seemed too good to be true, but the next day he even took several naps! Just like a real baby!

He is finally out of his misery. I am so glad we didn't just write it off as a colicky baby. I can now enjoy my baby. He is now a happy, content, cooing, and smiling baby!

Tummy trouble. Hypersensitive babies often have hypersensitive intestines. Like environmental irritants, certain foods in baby's diet (and your diet while you are breastfeeding) can cause internal irritation somewhere in baby's body. If you've ever experienced a tickle far back on your palate that you can't get to, you'll have some idea what an internal irritation can do to disturb a baby's sleep. This irritation may be present at other times besides sleep time, but baby won't usually notice it in his busy waking hours. Like teething pains, nighttime discomfort is so much worse at night because there is no distraction from it. 

Startling noises: oil squeaky cribs, warn older siblings not to slam doors, remove noisy clocks, etc. Sounds that are sudden, loud, and unfamiliar awaken these babies. Other sounds may settle them. 

When our first baby woke up wet during the night, I would take her into the changing room, turn the lights on, take off her wet diaper, cleanse her, and put a new diaper on. By that time she was totally awake and I had to nurse her back to sleep. With our second baby, a friend of mine convinced me I didn't have to change a baby's diaper during the nighttime. Initially, I was afraid it would leak all over the place and the whole bed would get wet, but here's what I did. I covered his bottom with a zinc oxide barrier cream, put three cloth diapers on him, and sometimes even used a diaper cover. When he woke up at night I didn't change him. I just pulled him next to me and nursed him. I did everything I could to keep it quiet and dark and not to stimulate him anymore by getting up and changing his diaper.

I wrapped him in a nice warm blanket so that only his head poked out right before I nursed him to sleep in the rocker. Then when I go to put him down he still feels warm and secure. It worked. I took that a step further and put flannel sheets on our king-size bed so that the sheets wouldn't be so cold so as to wake Philip up during his nighttime sleep.

5. All-night nursing. In my practice, some mothers relate that their high need babies and toddlers do seem to nurse a lot at night. How you approach this depends on how old the baby is and whether or not you are actually waking up feeling sufficiently rested First refer to the section on "Medical Causes for Nightwaking." A baby of any age deserves to have his nightwaking investigated for medical and physical causes. Younger babies almost always have legitimate problems (even to our adult minds) which cause waking, and they sleep much better once these problems are addressed.

We have found in our own experience with several of our babies that as they became toddlers the amount of nightwaking Martha was able to handle changed. This was especially true with our last several toddlers, due to increased stress in our lives (and probably the fact that Martha was getting older). When Erin was a bit past two, Martha began setting limits on night nursing because she was pregnant. She literally could not stand lengthy feedings, especially at night, so she'd let Erin nurse for 2-3 minutes and then ask her to stop (Erin was not always willing), and Martha cuddled her up close. What saved the situation was that Martha discovered that Erin would relax if she could put her hand on Martha's breast. In fact, she fell asleep faster doing this than if she were allowed to keep sucking. Martha also discovered that Erin relaxed off to sleep much more quickly when Martha was able to stay peaceful herself.

6. Just say no! When our Matthew was two, Martha felt desperate for sleep if awakened more than two times. I would wake up to hear a dialogue like "Nee" (his word for nurse)..."No"..."Nee!"..."No!"..."Nee!!" "No, not now, in the morning. Mommy's sleeping. You sleep, too." A firm but calm, peaceful voice almost always did the trick. You can manage to stay peaceful in this situation when you know you are not damaging your very secure, attachment-parented child.

When Stephen was at this age (20-22 months), he was typically nursing twice at night, occasionally three times, and Martha was fine with this. Actually, she found it enjoyable. But he hit a stage where he started waking 4 and 5 times and Martha tried the calm, peaceful "No" dialogue. Every child is different, and Stephen wasn't buying it. So we devised the plan we wrote of in THE BABY BOOK. Martha would nurse Stephen the first two times he woke. Then if it was still a long time till morning, I would pick him up and walk with him the next time. He cried, but it did not escalate to panic, and I lasted him out. After nearly an hour he fell back to sleep in my arms and I laid him back down next to a sleeping Martha. After 3 or 4 nights (with less and less crying), he stopped the frequent waking, and all was well again. And stayed well. He learned what our limits were!

In some families with different temperaments and levels of ability to cope, we have learned that this "cry-it-out-in-Dad's-arms" advice may not work. One mom had this to say:

I would suggest that a toddler waking frequently at night to nurse will not do well crying it out in Dad's arms. What he may need is to learn to sleep alone on a separate mattress or with a sibling, because the proximity to mom is stimulating the waking. It's time for a positive weaning from the family bed (see p. ), not a negative you're-stuck-with-Dad experience.

We have learned that the "just say no" approach also isn't right for all toddlers. I was on a talk show once giving this suggestion to a caller who had a sixteen-month-old waking 2-5 times at night. ("Mommy and Daddy go night-night, baby go night-night, and nummies go night-night.") A week later I got a letter from a mother who had identified with the caller's situation and had tried out the advice herself. She was amazed at how well it seemed to be working and wrote to thank me. However, a few weeks later she called Martha, very confused because everything had deteriorated. Her sixteen-month-old who had actually managed to sleep for nine hours with one or two brief wakings of a few seconds without breastfeeding, was now a very clingy, weepy child by day. She wondered if it was connected to the night situation. Martha helped her understand how to "read" her child to assess results of any technique. She included the insight that radio talk shows can not allow for a complete exploration of problems and solutions (especially when the adviser is male and the show's host is male!) Her thank-you letter (addressed to Martha this time) said, "You really helped me put it all into perspective! I've been a much more "go with the flow" and intuitive parent. Not letting my daughter breastfeed at all during the night was clearly too much for her to handle right now." In my defense, I didn't mean to imply that she not nurse her baby at all at night, but I guess that's what came across. I guess I'll never know what happened with the caller's baby.

Since our youngest child is ours by adoption, and since she was no longer breastfeeding when she was a toddler, Martha had to learn a new way to deal with Lauren when she woke at night. Thankfully, she was usually a "good sleeper;" yet there were times when she would wake and think it was time to play, or times that she was sick and couldn't get back to sleep. Martha, by now an expert on not having nighttime expectations (we'll discuss daytime expectations in the "Mother Burnout" chapter!) would simply get up with her and take her down to the living room where no one else would be disturbed. She'd rock Lauren or let her play in the dark while Martha would lie on the couch and rest.

How to Get Your Child to Sleep

Over the years of putting our own children to sleep and keeping them asleep, and counseling thousands of other moms and dads on various styles of nighttime parenting, here are some time-tested, proven attitudes and techniques. Most of these are applicable to infants and toddlers of all ages.

The basics 

Data clearly indicates that sleep problems are very common in children. A 2004 poll by the National Sleep Foundation found that 69 percent of parents reported that their child (ages 0-10) had a sleep problem at least a few nights a week. The most common problems were bedtime battles and waking during the night.

Sleep affects every aspect of a child's daytime functioning:

• Mood — irritable, cranky, fussy
• Cognitive ability — attention, memory, problem-solving
• Behavior — overactive, increased noncompliance
• Family — sleep problems in children affect every member of the family

So how much sleep does your child need? 

Three to five year-olds need 11-13 hours of sleep per night. Six to 10 year-olds need 10-11 hours of sleep per night.

Getting your kids to sleep 

Make sleep a priority and keep a strict schedule with the same bedtime and same waketime seven days a week. If you need wiggle room on the weekends, try to keep it within an hour.

Set up your child's room so it is:

• Cool (68 - 70 degrees is ideal)
• Dark (room darkening shades can help, especially in the summer)
• Quiet (a sound machine can help)
• Comfortable

Bedtime routines are critical to help your child fall asleep easier and stay asleep. A bedtime routine should be 30-45 minutes and the exact same three to four activities every night. You also want to include every possible request that your child may have, such as one last trip to the potty and kissing the dog goodnight. 

Possible things to include in your routine:

• Bath
• Cuddle time
• Discussing the day
• Reading (kids who are read to or read at bedtime get better sleep)

Things NOT to include:

• Wild time: Bedtime should be a wind-down time.
• Television, video games, computer time (cut these out at least a half hour to an hour before bedtime). Get rid of electronics in the bedroom.
• Cut out all caffeine for this age group.

Does the nap schedule affect sleep? 

Right around age three or four, you may encounter a gray zone. There will likely be a time when your child still needs a nap during the day, but a nap will make it hard for him or her to fall asleep at bedtime. (Don't skip the nap, then they're a wreck by five o'clock). Stick with your usual schedule, but let your child look at books in bed for an extra 30 minutes before lights out. If your child calls you, the light gets turned off. Just one time and your child will be happily reading books on his own from then on.

Bedtime tactics:

If you have trouble getting your child to go to sleep, make a bedtime chart that shows every part of the bedtime routine. The idea is to illustrate each step of the bedtime routine with a picture. For example, bath, pajamas, brushing teeth, bathroom, two books, kisses and hugs, and sleep. You can cut pictures out of a magazine or take pictures of your child doing these activities. Younger kids will look at the pictures. Older children may want to check off each activity. Be specific in the pictures because kids are very literal.  If you have two books in the picture, that means just two books at bedtime.

Institute a bedtime pass — a card that your child can turn in for "one more thing" at bedtime. Start with one or two cards. Each time a child makes a request, he or she has to hand over a card. Once all the cards are turned in, no more requests.

Getting your kids to stay asleep 

Parents need to set limits during the night too and be totally consistent. Take your child back to his/her room every time and every night. Teach your child what to do when she wakes up during the night, "Roll over, clutch your teddy bear, and go back to sleep." If they wake up in the middle of the night screaming, ready for a video, etc., calm them down, then simply tell them, "No." Don't turn on the television, bring your child to your bed (unless you want to), or any other fun games. As long as it is dark out, it is sleepy time!

Back to sleep tactics:

• Set up a "good morning" light, which is a nightlight on a timer that goes off at a reasonable hour. Explain to your child that it is still night-night time until the good morning light goes off. For example, if your child is waking up at 4:30 every morning, set it for 5 a.m. the first night. They can't tell time, so just keep inching it back every morning until the desired time.
• Start a sticker chart where your child earns stickers and awards for not calling out a night, staying in bed, whatever. Awards can be things like a trip to the library to get a video or a family bike ride.

How to Get Your Baby to Sleep and Stay Asleep

Bedtime for kids can be a nightmare for parents. As all parents know, getting your kids to sleep, and getting them to stay asleep until morning is often an ongoing challenge. Jodi Mindell, associate director of the Sleep Center at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and author of "Take Charge of Your Child's Sleep: The All-In-One Resource for Solving Sleep Problems in Kids and Teens," was invited to appear on TODAY to offer some advice. Here she shares some helpful tricks to get kids to sleep:

1. Develop a realistic attitude about nighttime parenting. Sleeping, like eating, is not a state you can force a baby into. Best you can do is to create a secure environment that allows sleep to overtake your baby. A realistic long- term goal is to help your baby develop a healthy attitude about sleep: that sleep is a pleasant state to enter and a secure state to remain in. Many sleep problems in older children and adults stem from children growing up with an unhealthy attitude about sleep—that sleep was not a pleasant state to enter and was a fearful state to remain in. Just as daytime parenting is a long-term investment, so is nighttime parenting. Teach your baby a restful attitude about sleep when they are young and both you and your children will sleep better when they are older. 

2. Decide where baby sleeps best. There is no right or wrong place for babies to sleep. Wherever all family members sleep the best is the right arrangement for you and your baby. Some babies sleep best in their own crib in their own room, some sleep better in their own bassinet or crib in the parents' bedroom, other babies sleep best snuggled right next to mommy in the parents' bed. Many parents prefer a co-sleeper arrangement. Realistically, most parents use various sleeping arrangements at various stages during the infant's first two years. Be open to changing styles as baby's developmental needs and your family situation changes. 

3. Daytime mellowing. A peaceful daytime is likely to lead to a restful night. The more attached you are to your baby during the day and the more baby is held and calmed during the day, the more likely this peacefulness is to carry through into the night. If your baby has a restless night, take inventory of unsettling circumstances that may occur during the day: Are you too busy? Are the daycare and the daycare provider the right match for your baby? Does your baby spend a lot of time being held and in-arms by a nurturant caregiver, or is he more of a "crib baby" during the day? We have noticed babies who are carried in baby slings for several hours a day settle better at night. Babywearing mellows the infant during the day, behavior that carries over into restfulness at night. 

4. Tank up your baby during the day. Babies need to learn that daytime is for eating and nighttime is mostly for sleeping. Some older babies and toddlers are so busy playing during the day that they forget to eat and make up for it during the night by waking frequently to feed. To reverse this habit, feed your baby at least every three hours during the day to cluster the baby's feedings during the waking hours. Upon baby's first night waking, attempt a full feeding, otherwise some babies, especially breastfed infants, get in the habit of nibbling all night. 

5. Nestling down. For some babies, the standard fall-to-sleep techniques are not enough. Baby just doesn't want to be put down to sleep alone. After rocking or feeding baby to sleep in your arms, lie down with your sleeping baby next to you and nestle close to her until she is sound asleep. We call this the "teddy- bear snuggle." 

6. Driving down. If you've tried all the above transitioning techniques and baby still resists falling asleep, place baby in a carseat and drive around until she falls asleep. When you return home and baby is in a deep sleep, carry the carseat (with the sleeping baby) into your bedroom and let baby remain in the carseat until the first nightwaking. If she is in a deep sleep (witness the limp-limb sign – hands unclenched, arms dangling loosely at her side, facial muscles still), you may be able to ease her out of the carseat into her own bed. 

How to Let Your Baby to Self Settle to Sleep

The idea of having babies settle themselves to sleep seems crazy to parents who have sat up all night trying to get them to stop crying. But it can be done. Try these steps to get your baby to settle themselves to sleep.

1. Understand that your baby, thinking simply, associates various object, people, and activities with going to sleep. These are called "sleep associations". If a sleep association involves you, then your baby will think they need you to fall asleep. If a sleep association involves feeding or rocking, your baby will think they need food and/or rocking to fall asleep.

Other sleep associations include pacifiers, bottles, and teddy bears, This is not inherently bad thing, since it is natural for a baby, but as the parent, you need to choose the best association for your child to have a complete and restful night's sleep.

2. Establish a sleep association from day one. After bringing your newborn home from the hospital, settle them into their room and try various associations that make your baby calm and comfortable.

3. Talking softly to your baby is the most widely-accepted method.

4. Know that it is important to establish good sleep habits early on, before any habits form. Ensure your baby is in a good routine, preferably with set times for daytime naps and nightly bedtime. This helps your baby understand what you expect and when you expect it, and this helps your settling training work much faster.

5. Decide on a personal level that you are going to stop rocking, feeding, driving or whatever else you are doing to get your baby to sleep. Many people will advise you to just leave your baby to cry and they will eventually fall asleep. On the other hand, this is contested by many with the following reasoning: They reason that babies cry because they are unable to protect themselves and afraid of being deserted by their parents. A child that stops crying gives up the hope of being "rescued", and loses trust in you, the parent, as the protector. This can greatly affect a child's development and self-confidence. Still, it is your personal choice.

6.Teach your baby to fall asleep independently by giving them the opportunity to do so. Many babies need a period of winding down to fall asleep, and by not letting them cry at all, they can miss the opportunity to learn to fall asleep. These techniques can work quickly with a lot of babies; however, consistency is very important to making them work effectively. If you use the controlled crying at 7pm, 10pm and 2am, then at 4am feed baby to sleep in your bed, the program is not going to work quickly, if at all. To use one of these programs, you need to be sure you can listen to your baby crying for a period of time and be consistent with how you respond.

7. These techniques also give you a middle ground between not letting your baby cry and the cry it out method.

Tips

Settle the baby, then leave the room for increasing periods of time, giving baby the opportunity to fall asleep independently. You start with 2 minutes settling, and leave the room for 2 minutes, then 2 minutes settling, out of the room for 4 minutes, etc. Up to a maximum of leaving your baby for 10 minutes. This has been shown to be one of the most effective methods of teaching babies to self-settle, provided it is used consistently at all sleeps and any night-waking.

The cry it out method involves leaving your baby until they go to sleep by themselves. This often works very quickly - in as few as 3 nights - but it can mean listening to your baby crying for long periods of time.

This technique can be useful for toddlers who are 'trying it on,' for example continually requesting more stories, another bottle, every excuse but going to sleep. It can also be suitable if you have tried controlled crying with an older baby, but you are finding going in to resettle them is upsetting them further.

Why Do Yout Infant Cry in her Sleep

Types
Babies make many different kinds of sounds while they are sound asleep. Babies can gurgle, grunt, coo, fuss and even cry while still remaining asleep. Some throat rattling and nose whistling may also occur during a baby's sleep cycle. Outright crying during sleep is usually limited to a short burst or two of unhappy-sounding crying or fussing. If the baby does not settle down again within about five minutes, then he is actually awake.

 

Causes
The main cause of an infant crying during sleep is due to his unusual sleep schedule. Babies spend about half of their 16 to 20 hours of sleep per day in the restless form of REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. Even older children and adults move and make sound during REM sleep cycles. After a few months, babies will gain the ability to sleep deeper, eliminating much of the sleep crying that young infants do. Other causes of sleep crying could include colic, discomfort or hunger.

 

Considerations
Many parents believe that if an infant makes a sound that it is an indication the baby is awake and ready to get up and eat or play. Not so. Babies may fuss for up to five minutes during sleep and then continue back to deeper sleep. It is important to keep an eye on an infant during this crying period to make sure the she is not actually awake. If the crying continues for more than five minutes then the baby is awake and needs attention.

 

Solutions
There are not many solutions to helping to prevent an infant from crying in his sleep. Sleep crying and fussing is a natural process that will eventually go away on its own. However, it is possible to eliminate some crying by making the baby as comfortable as possible. Always place a baby to sleep when he is full and has clean clothes and diaper. Try to prevent colic by keeping the baby burped and avoid spicy foods if breastfeeding.

 

Warning
It is extremely important not to mistake real crying for sleep crying. Sleep crying is usually muted and broken. Real crying generally includes high-pitched wailing that does not stop quickly. Always tend to a crying baby immediately when she is awake.

The tips of How to Position an Infant for Sleep

1

Provide proper bedding: a firm infant mattress free of pillows, stuffed animals or comforters that could block your baby's airway. Crib bumpers should be securely fastened to the bars.

2
Lay your newborn down on his back, not his stomach. Research suggests that this position may lower the risk of SIDS.
3
Ask your pediatrician about alternate sleeping positions if your baby was a preemie who experienced respiratory distress or if your baby has a gastroesophageal reflux.

4
Consider purchasing a newborn sleep pillow to keep your baby from rolling from his back or side to his stomach. Discuss this idea with your doctor.

5
Avoid covering your baby with a blanket. Instead, put him in a sleeper suit that will keep him warm without blankets.

How Long Babies Sleep

A newborn may sleep as much as 16 hours a day (or even more), often in stretches of 3 to 4 hours at a time. And like the sleep all of us experience, babies have different phases of sleep: drowsiness, REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, light sleep, deep sleep, and very deep sleep. As babies grow, their periods of wakefulness increase.

At first, these short stretches of 3 to 4 hours of sleep may be frustrating for you as they interfere with your sleep pattern. Have patience — this will change as your baby grows and begins to adapt to the rhythms of life outside the womb.

At first, though, the need to feed will outweigh the need to sleep. Many pediatricians recommend that a parent not let a newborn sleep too long without feeding. In practical terms, that means offering a feeding to your baby every 3 to 4 hours or so, and possibly more often for smaller or premature babies. Breastfed infants may get hungry more frequently than bottle-fed babies and need to nurse every 2 hours in the first few weeks.
You can help adjust your baby's body clock toward sleeping at night by avoiding stimulation during nighttime feedings and diaper changes. Try to keep the lights low and resist the urge to play or talk with your baby. This will reinforce the message that nighttime is for sleeping.

Overly tired infants often have more trouble sleeping than those who've had an appropriate amount of sleep during the day. So, keeping your baby up in hopes that he or she will sleep better at night will not necessarily work.

Consider establishing some sort of bedtime routine (bathing, reading, singing) to help get your baby to relax in the coming months. Even though your newborn may be too young to get the signals yet, setting up the bedtime drill now can keep you on the right track later.

What if your baby is fussy? It's OK to rock, cuddle, and sing as your baby is settling down. For the first months of your baby's life, "spoiling" is definitely not a problem. In fact, studies have shown that babies who are carried around during the day have less colic and fussiness.

The first months of a baby's life can be the hardest for the parents because you are potentially getting up every few hours to tend to the baby. Each baby is different in terms of when he or she will sleep through the night, and parents differ regarding when they're comfortable with encouraging their newborn to do so.

By 2 months most babies are sleeping 6 to 8 hours through the night. If your baby isn't sleeping through the night by 4 months, talk with your doctor about how you can help this to happen.

How a Baby Should Sleep

"Does your baby sleep through the night?" is one of the questions new parents hear the most. And the bleary-eyed moms and dads of newborns almost always answer: "No."

 

Newborn babies don't know the difference between day and night yet — and their tiny stomachs don't hold enough breast milk or formula to keep them satisfied for very long. They need food every few hours, no matter what time of day or night it is.

For the first weeks of life, most parents place their child's crib or bassinet in their own bedroom. A separate room just seems too far away at this early point.

 

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) recommend against bringing your infant to sleep in bed with you for safety reasons. Although many cultures endorse cosleeping, there is a risk that the baby can suffocate or strangle, and studies have shown that there's a higher incidence of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) in households where the baby slept in the parents' bed.

 

Establishing a routine right from the beginning can help. How we sleep is based in large part on habit and what our bodies use as the signals that it is time to sleep. Always putting your baby in the crib for sleeping will help signal to the infant that this is the place for sleep. Keep in mind, though, it may take a few weeks for your baby's brain to signal the difference between night and day. Unfortunately, there are no tricks to speed this up except to be as consistent in your routine as possible.

 

Always keep sleep safety in mind. Do not place anything in the crib or bassinet that may interfere with your baby's breathing; this includes plush toys, pillows, blankets, and bumper pads. Although bumper pads were widely used in the past, they are no longer recommended. A study, using data from the CPSC, found a number of accidental deaths appeared to be related to the use of bumper pads in cribs and bassinets. The AAP and other pediatric organizations strongly discourage the use of bumper pads in cribs to avoid accidental suffocation.

 

Also, avoid items with cords, ties, or ribbons that can wrap around a baby's neck, and objects with any kind of sharp edge or corner. Babies can also get tangled in hanging mobiles, so remove them as well. Don't forget to look around for the things that your baby can touch from a standing position in the crib. Wall hangings, pictures, draperies, and window blind cords are potentially harmful if within baby's reach.

 

The AAP recommends that healthy infants be placed on their backs to sleep, not on their stomachs. The incidence of SIDS has decreased by more than 50% since this recommendation was first made in 1992. It is now also recommended that premature infants sleep only on their backs.

 

It is thought that some babies sleeping on their stomachs may have a greater tendency toward sleep obstruction and rebreathing their own carbon dioxide because they are less likely to rouse themselves to change head positions. Another possibility is that they may suffocate on softer bedding if they are lying face-down.

 

If your baby has a medical condition, there may be an exception to these recommendations. Your baby's doctor can best advise you on the right sleep position for your little one.

Sleep and your newborn baby 3~12 months

What to expect at 3-6 months

By three months, many babies are managing a good old stretch of night-time sleep (maybe even up to six hours between feeds). Whether you call this 'sleeping through' or not largely depends on your abilities to spin the situation: for every parent who thinks 11pm to 5am is living torture, there's another thinking, 'Result!' (And, very probably, a third who'd give her eye teeth for even half a night like that.)

 

Over the next few months, your baby's sleep habits should start to bed down (as it were) into a more predictable (ok, slightly less chaotic) pattern. She'll gradually start to sleep less in the day (as she becomes more alert and engaged with the world around her) and more at night (as she becomes able to go longer without a feed).

 

At this point, some parents like to get cracking with 'proper' daytime naps and strictly scheduled bedtimes; others prefer to go with the flow for a while longer yet.

 

Whatever your inclinations, it's definitely worth trying to establish some kind of bedtime ritual to wind your baby down nice and calmly to a good night's sleep.

 

"I think a bedtime routine can really help at this age – and it allows you some free time in the evening, too. By routine, I mean a feed, a bath, a quiet time and a feed, in that order, and at about the same time every night. If your baby wakes or doesn't settle, then you don't take her downstairs again but settle her in or near the cot. This is not controlled crying, which I feel is too much for a baby of this age. It's just establishing a quiet end to the day." Tiktok

Of course, getting to sleep calmly doesn't guarantee staying asleep calmly. The average three to six month old may be capable of clocking up six to ten hours a night but all sorts of things can come along to interrupt their slumber. In which case...

 

"If your baby suddenly starts waking again, after having been a good sleeper, don't despair. It could be teething or hunger triggered by a growth spurt. As long as you're not doing anything to reinforce the waking, like turning on the light or talking to your baby, it'll pass." Jraven

"A baby sleeping bag was the answer for us. My baby used to wake himself up moving around and banging his head against the cot but that's stopped now." Carosue

 

What to expect at 6-12 months

By six months, most babies are sleeping 11 to 15 hours a day. Of that, about three or four hours is daytime sleep, which they'll usually pool (or can be persuaded to pool) into two decent-length naps, one in the morning and one in the afternoon.

 

This leaves a nice, healthy eight to ten hours for gloriously uninterrupted night-time sleep, slowly increasing to around 11 hours by the age of one (when the two daytime naps will have shortened or gone down to one).

 

So much for the theory.

Back in the real world, where theories are just theories and babies are a lovely but unpredictable reality, you may still be struggling to string together even a couple of nights of unbroken sleep.

 

If your baby's still regularly waking in the night, you may want to:

•Move her to her own room.
"We seemed to be waking our daughter every time we moved or turned over
in bed, so we whipped her into her own room. She immediately started
sleeping right through." Umberella

•Cut down/out the milk.
"If feeding at night really bugs you and you're really knackered, then don't do it. I always go cold turkey with mine. It takes a couple of nights and then they sleep through. By six or seven months, there really is no need to feed in the night." Kittymaspudding

•Get tough. If you're up all night, every night and you're beside yourself with exhaustion, you could try controlled crying or one of the other methods of sleep training.
"It's not for everyone – and I wouldn't ever use it on a baby under six months – but it worked brilliantly for us." Porpoise

 

How to settle your newborn baby

Parent plus new baby equals serious loss of sleep. It's a simple enough equation but a darn difficult one to live through.

It doesn't matter how ready (or not) you think you are for motherhood, nothing, but nothing, can prepare you for the brain-numbing, bone-aching reality of new-parent sleep deprivation.

The average newborn sleeps for 16 to 20 hours a day. But not all at once. And not all at night. It's pretty shattering for those of us who are meant to be in charge.
 
The early weeks are worst. Your baby's doing a random, round-the-clock waking and dozing thing, and often has a distinct aversion to sleeping anywhere other than your arms.
 
"My newborn wouldn't go to sleep on his own – only in my arms or in our bed. If we put him down in the Moses basket, he would wake after 20 minutes at the most. I was worried this might be the start of major bad habits but now he's seven weeks and is settling much better." Katyw
 
"My first child got her days and nights mixed up: she would sleep nearly all day and then be awake almost all night!" Pupuce
 

If you're not having any luck with the lay-down-and-leg-it approach, try our Mumsnet tips for settling your newborn.
 
Safe sleep
 
Although the causes of cot death (SIDS) are still not completely clear, health experts are agreed that there are steps you can take to reduce the risk for your baby...
• Put your baby on her back to sleep.
 • Do not let anyone smoke in the same room as your baby.
 • Do not let your baby get too hot or too cold.
 • Do not cover your baby's head while she's sleeping.
 • Place your baby down to sleep, so that her feet at the foot end of the cot.
 • Consider using a dummy to settle your baby to sleep.
 • Do not share a bed with your baby if you smoke.
 • Do not share a bed with your baby if you have been drinking or taking drugs.
 • Understand that the safest place for your baby to sleep in her first six months is in a cot in your room.
 

As the weeks pass, it does, ever so slowly, get better (honest). Your baby will gradually cotton on to the difference between night and day and, by six to eight weeks, will probably be putting in more time at the cot-face during the wee, small hours.
 
Even the most diehard of night-time wakers are usually sleeping less in the day and more at night by 10 to 12 weeks.
 
"My daughter was either sleeping, feeding or screaming – none of the peaceful 'surveying the world' the baby books tell you about. I found it very depressing and worried that things would never change and that I must be doing it all wrong. But she changed and at ten weeks slept though the night." Elliesmum

Settling your newborn
 
Frustratingly, newborns don't come equipped with a 'now go to sleep' button. While some nod off angelically at the drop of a hat, there are many who, no matter how tired they are, often need some serious parental persuasion on the closing-eyes front. Mumsnet's top 10 sleep-persuasion tactics include...
 
1. Swaddling. "It saved my sanity. My daughter was far more settled when we wrapped her – you just have to be careful to make sure that they don't overheat. We used a cotton cellular blanket but, when it was really hot, we used a sheet." Sass
 
2. "Gently stroke your baby's nose in little downwards movements. This encourages them to close their eyes and fall asleep." Sexgoddess
 
3. "My son wouldn't settle if he was lying flat. We found putting him in a bouncy chair and rocking it gently worked." Dm2
 
4. "The spin cycle on the washing machine is very effective! Sometimes, I'd put several consecutive spins on just to lull her to drowsiness." Sass
 
5. "Try a lambskin. My two slept on them for years and they're so easy to take everywhere. I just put it on the floor and they'd settle straightaway." Alibubbles
 
6. "Keep things quiet and boring in the lead-up to bedtime and limit the number of people holding him. I underestimated how unsettling and over-stimulating being held by visitors can be." Bloss
 
7. Watch the clock. "A good rule of thumb is that a newborn can't stay awake more than two hours at a time. So, if yours has been wide awake for two hours, retreat to a quiet room with little stimulation." Amber1
 
8. "If all else fails, put your baby in a sling. She'll almost certainly fall asleep in there, close to your body, and at least you've got your hands free to make yourself a cup of tea." Porpoise
 
And for the baby who falls asleep beautifully in your arms but snaps awake again as soon as his head hits the sheets...

Helping baby sleep through the night

If you haven't had a good night's sleep since your baby was born, you're not alone. Sleepless nights are a rite of passage for most new parents — but don't despair. You can help your baby sleep all night. Honestly!

 

Developing a rhythm

Newborns sleep 16 or more hours a day, but often in stretches of just a few hours at a time. Although the pattern might be erratic at first, a more consistent sleep schedule will emerge as your baby matures and can go longer between feedings.

 

By age 3 months, many babies sleep at least five hours at a time. By age 6 months, nighttime stretches of nine to 12 hours are possible.

 

Encouraging good sleep habits

For the first few months, middle-of-the-night feedings are sure to disrupt sleep for parents and babies alike — but it's never too soon to help your baby become a good sleeper. Consider these tips:

 

1. Encourage activity during the day. When your baby is awake, engage him or her by talking, singing and playing. Stimulation during the day can help promote better sleep at night.
2. Follow a consistent bedtime routine. Try relaxing favorites such as bathing, cuddling, singing, playing quiet music or reading. Soon your baby will associate these activities with sleep.
3. Put your baby to bed drowsy, but awake. This will help your baby associate bed with the process of falling asleep. Remember to place your baby to sleep on his or her back, and clear the crib or bassinet of blankets and other soft items.
4. Give your baby time to settle down. Your baby might fuss or cry before finding a comfortable position and falling asleep. If the crying doesn't stop, speak to your baby calmly and stroke his or her back. Your reassuring presence might be all your baby needs to fall asleep.
5. Consider a pacifier. If your baby has trouble settling down, a pacifier might do the trick. In fact, research suggests that using a pacifier during sleep helps reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).
6. Expect frequent stirring at night. Babies often wriggle, squirm and twitch in their sleep. They can be noisy, too. Unless you suspect that your baby is hungry or uncomfortable, it's OK to wait a few minutes to see if he or she falls back asleep.
7. Keep nighttime care low-key. When your baby needs care or feeding during the night, use dim lights, a soft voice and calm movements. This will tell your baby that it's time to sleep — not play.
8. Don't 'bed share' during sleep. This can make it harder for your baby to fall asleep on his or her own. Bed sharing might also increase your baby's risk of SIDS. If you'd like to keep your baby close, consider placing your baby's bed in your bedroom.
9. Respect your baby's preferences. If your baby is a night owl or an early bird, you might want to adjust routines and schedules based on these natural patterns.
10. Keeping it in perspective

Getting your baby to sleep through the night is a worthy goal, but it's not a measure of your parenting skills. Take time to understand your baby's habits and ways of communicating so that you can help him or her become a better sleeper. If you continue to have concerns, consult your baby's doctor for additional suggestions.

8 Infant Sleep Facts

In order to better understand the how-to's of getting you and your baby to enjoy going to sleep and staying asleep, here are some important principles of sleep that every new parent needs to understand.

1. How you sleep.

After dressing or undressing for bed, most adults help themselves relax for sleep by performing various bedtime rituals: reading, listening to music, watching TV, or having sex. As you drift into sleep, your higher brain centers begin to rest; enabling you to enter the stage of deep sleep called "non-REM" (non-rapid eye movement -- NREM), or deep sleep (also called quiet sleep). Your mind and body are quietest during this stage of sleep. Your body is still, your breathing is shallow and regular, your muscles are loose, and you're really "zonked." After about an hour and a half in this quiet sleep stage, your brain begins to "wake up" and start working, which brings you out of your deep sleep and into light sleep or active sleep, called rapid eye movement or "REM" sleep. During this stage of sleep your eyes actually move under your eyelids as your brain exercises. You dream and stir, turn over, and may even adjust the covers without fully awakening. It is during this sleep stage that you may fully awaken to go to the bathroom, then return to bed and fall back into a deep sleep. These alternating cycles of light and deep sleep continue every couple hours throughout the night, so that a typical adult may spend an average of six hours in quiet sleep and two hours in active sleep. Thus, you do not sleep deeply all night, even though you may feel as though you do.

 

2. How babies enter sleep.

You're rocking, walking, or nursing your baby and her eyelids droop as she begins to nod off in your arms. Her eyes close completely, but her eyelids continue to flutter and her breathing is still irregular. Her hands and limbs are flexed, and she may startle, twitch, and show fleeting smiles, called "sleep grins." She may even continue a flutter-like sucking. Just as you bend over to deposit your "sleeping" baby in her crib so you can creep quietly away, she awakens and cries. That's because she wasn't fully asleep. She was still in the state of light sleep when you put her down. Now try your proven bedtime ritual again, but continue this ritual longer (about twenty more minutes). You will notice that baby's grimaces and twitches stop; her breathing becomes more regular and shallow, her muscles completely relax. Her fisted hands unfold and her arms and limbs dangle weightlessly. Martha and I call this "limp-limb" sign of deep sleep. Baby is now in a deeper sleep, allowing you to put her down and sneak away, breathing a satisfying sigh of relief that baby is finally resting comfortably.

Babies need to be parented to sleep, not just put to sleep. Some babies can be put down while drowsy yet still awake and drift others need parental help by being rocked or nursed to sleep.

 

The reason is that while adults can usually go directly into the state of deep sleep, infants in the early months enter sleep through an initial period of light sleep. After twenty minutes or more they gradually enter deep sleep, from which they are not so easily aroused. As you probably know from experience, if you try to rush your baby to bed while she is still in the initial light sleep period, she will usually awaken. Many parents tell me: "My baby has to be fully asleep before I can put her down." In later months, some babies can enter deep sleep more quickly, bypassing the lengthy light sleep stage. Learn to recognize your baby's sleep stages. Wait until your baby is in a deep sleep stage before transitioning her from one sleeping place to another, such as from your bed to a crib or from carseat to bed or crib.

 

3. Babies have shorter sleep cycles than you do.

Stand adoringly next to your sleeping baby and watch him sleep. About an hour after he goes to sleep, he begins to squirm, he tosses a bit, his eyelids flutter, his face muscles grimace, he breathes irregularly, and his muscles tighten. He is reentering the phase of light sleep. The time of moving from deep to light sleep is a vulnerable period during which many babies will awaken if any upsetting or uncomfortable stimulus, such as hunger, occurs. If the baby does not awaken, he will drift through this light sleep period over the next ten minutes, and descend back into deep sleep. Adult sleep cycles (going from light to deep sleep, and then back to light sleep) lasts an average of 90 minutes. Infants' sleep cycles are shorter, lasting 50 to 60 minutes, so they experience a vulnerable period for nightwaking around every hour or even less. As your baby enters this light sleep, if you lay a comforting hand on your baby's back, sing a soothing lullaby, or just be there next to baby if he is in your bed; you can help him get through this light sleep period without waking.

Some babies need help getting back to sleep.

Some "resettlers" or "self-soothers" can go through this vulnerable period without completely awakening, and if they do wake up, they can ease themselves back into a deep sleep. Other babies need a helping hand, voice, or breast to resettle back into deep sleep. From these unique differences in sleep cycle design, we learn that one of the goals of nighttime parenting is to create a sleeping environment that helps baby go through this vulnerable period of nightwaking and reenter deep sleep without waking up.

 

4. Babies don't sleep as deeply as you do.

 Not only do babies take longer to go to sleep and have more frequent vulnerable periods for nightwaking; they have twice as much active, or lighter, sleep as adults. At first glance, this hardly seems fair to parents tired from daylong baby care. Yet, if you consider the developmental principle that babies sleep the way they do -- or don't -- for a vital reason, it may be easier for you to understand your baby's nighttime needs and develop a nighttime parenting style that helps rather than harms your baby's natural sleep rhythms. Here's where I'm at odds with modern sleep trainers who advise a variety of gadgets and techniques designed to help baby sleep more deeply through the night -- for a price, and perhaps at a risk.

 

5. Nightwaking has survival benefits.

In the first few months, babies' needs are the highest, but their ability to communicate their needs is the lowest. Suppose a baby slept deeply most of the night. Some basic needs would go unfulfilled. Tiny babies have tiny tummies, and mother's milk is digested very rapidly. If a baby's stimulus for hunger could not easily arouse her, this would not be good for baby's survival. If baby's nose was stuffed and she could not breathe, or was cold and needed warmth, and her sleep state was so deep that she could not communicate her needs, her survival would be jeopardized.

 

One thing we have learned during our years in pediatrics is that babies do what they do because they're designed that way. In the case of infant sleep, research suggests that active sleep protects babies. Suppose your baby sleeps like an adult, meaning predominantly deep sleep. Sounds wonderful! For you, perhaps, but not for baby. Suppose baby had a need for warmth, food, or even unobstructed air, but because he was sleeping so deeply he couldn't arouse to recognize and act on these needs. Baby's well being could be threatened. It appears that babies come wired with sleep patterns that enable them to awaken in response to circumstances that threaten their well being. We believe, and research supports, that frequent stages of active (REM) sleep serve the best physiologic interest of babies during the early months, when their well being is most threatened.

Encouraging a baby to sleep too deeply, too soon, may not be in the best survival or developmental interest of the baby. This is why new parents, vulnerable to sleep trainers' claims of getting their baby to sleep through the night, should not feel pressured to get their baby to sleep too long, too deeply, too soon.

6. Nightwaking has developmental benefits.

 Sleep researchers believe that babies sleep "smarter" than adults do. They theorize that light sleep helps the brain develop because the brain doesn't rest during REM sleep. In fact, blood flow to the brain nearly doubles during REM sleep. (This increased blood flow is particularly evident in the area of the brain that automatically controls breathing.) During REM sleep the body increases its manufacture of certain nerve proteins, the building blocks of the brain. Learning is also thought to occur during the active stage of sleep. The brain may use this time to process information acquired while awake, storing what is beneficial to the individual and discarding what is not. Some sleep researchers believe that REM sleeps acts to auto-stimulate the developing brain, providing beneficial imagery that promotes mental development. During the light sleep stage, the higher centers of the brain keep operating, yet during deep sleep these higher brain centers shut off and the baby functions on her lower brain centers. It is possible that during this stage of rapid brain growth (babies' brains grow to nearly seventy percent of adult volume during the first two years) the brain needs to continue functioning during sleep in order to develop. It is interesting to note that premature babies spend even more of their sleep time (approximately 90 percent) in REM sleep, perhaps to accelerate their brain growth. As you can see, the period of life when humans sleep the most and the brain is developing the most rapidly is also the time when they have the most active sleep. One day as I was explaining the theory that light sleep helps babies' brains develop, a tired mother of a wakeful infant chuckled and said, "If that's true, my baby's going to be very smart."

 

7. As they grow, babies achieve sleep maturity.

 "Okay," you say, "I understand this developmental design, but when will my baby sleep through the night?" The age at which babies settle – meaning they go to sleep easily and stay asleep varies widely among babies. Some babies go to sleep easily, but don't stay asleep. Others go to sleep with difficulty but will stay asleep. Other exhausting babies neither want to go to sleep nor stay asleep.

 

In the first three months, tiny babies seldom sleep for more than four-hour stretches without needing a feeding. Tiny babies have tiny tummies. Yet, they usually sleep a total of 14-18 hours a day. From three to six months, most babies begin to settle. They are awake for longer stretches during the day and some may sleep five-hour stretches at night. Between three to six months, expect one or two nightwakings. You will also see the period of deep sleep lengthen. The vulnerable periods for nightwaking decrease and babies are able to enter deep sleep more quickly. This is called sleep maturity.

An important fact for you to remember is that your baby's sleep habits are more a reflection of your baby's temperament rather than your style of nighttime parenting. And keep in mind that other parents usually exaggerate how long their baby sleeps, as if this were a badge of good parenting, which it isn't. It's not your fault baby wakes up.

8. Babies still wake up.

When babies mature into these adult-like sleep patterns varies among babies. Yet, even though babies achieve this sleep maturity some time during the last half of the first year, many still wake up. The reason? Painful stimuli, such as colds and teething pain, become more frequent. Major developmental milestones, such as sitting, crawling, and walking, drive babies to "practice" their new developmental skills in their sleep. Then between one and two years of age, when baby begins to sleep through the above-mentioned wake-up stimuli, other causes of nightwaking occur, such as separation anxiety and nightmares.

 

Even though you understand why babies are prone to nightwaking, you realize it's still important for parents and babies to get a restful night's sleep, otherwise, baby, the parents, and their relationship won't thrive.

 

Baby sleep training method: Cry it out

People often think this method of sleep training involves leaving babies alone to cry for as long as it takes before they fall asleep. But "cry it out" (CIO) simply refers to any sleep training approach – and there are many – that says it's okay to let a baby cry for a specified period of time (often a very short period of time) before offering comfort.

In his 1985 book Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems (revised and expanded in 2006), pediatrician Richard Ferber presented one method of getting children to sleep that has become virtually synonymous with CIO – so much so that you'll hear parents refer to any CIO method as "Ferberizing."

Ferber himself never uses the term "cry it out." And he's only one of a number of sleep experts who say that crying – while not the goal – is for some children an unavoidable part of sleep training.

What's the theory behind CIO?
The "cry it out" approach assumes that falling asleep on your own is a skill like any other and that your baby can master this skill if you give him the opportunity.
The idea is that if your child gets used to having you rock him to sleep, or he always falls asleep while nursing, he won't learn to fall asleep on his own. When he wakes up during the night – as all children and adults do as part of the natural sleep cycle – he'll become alarmed and cry for you instead of being able to go back to sleep.

By contrast, if your baby learns to soothe himself to sleep at bedtime, he can use the same skill when he wakes up at night or during a nap.

Crying isn't the goal of this sleep training method, but advocates say it's often an inevitable side effect as your baby adjusts to sleeping on his own. They say the short-term pain of a few tears is far outweighed by the long-term advantages: a child who goes to sleep easily and happily on his own, and parents who can count on a good night's rest.

Ferber is perhaps the most well known expert who advocates a CIO-style sleep training method, but he's not alone.

Pediatrician Marc Weissbluth, author of the popular book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, doesn't endorse CIO per se, but says that crying may be a necessary part of helping some children develop healthy sleep habits.

Sleep expert Jodi Mindell, author of Sleeping Through the Night: How Infants, Toddlers, and Their Parents Can Get a Good Night's Sleep, is often called a kinder, gentler Ferber. Her "basic bedtime method" is a variation on Ferber's classic progressive-waiting technique.

Pregnancy sleep positions during pregnancy

Often women wonder if it is right to sleep on their tummy during pregnancy. Sad to inform you pregnant ladies out there but sleeping on the belly and on the back are not the best positions for you during your pregnancy months. Finding a comfortable sleeping position is one of the reasons why women become sleep deprived in the later part of their pregnancies. It is a sacrifice indeed to have to give up your favorite sleeping positions. One good tip is to get accustomed to sleeping on the sides long before your belly balloons up.

Now that you are prepared to give up on your favorite sleeping position, be prepared to lose some sleep. Getting used to the new position(s) will take some getting used to. As mentioned earlier, better to make this change early on instead of waiting till the time when sleeping in your favorite position becomes just impossible. Imagine distressing yourself over the new position when you are heavily pregnant and tired!

Why Sleeping on the back and tummy is a NO..
 • As your belly expands, sleeping on your expanded belly not only becomes impossible; it is also uncomfortable (don't worry your baby won't get squashed inside should you sleep on your belly)

• The back position causes the entire weight of your pregnant uterus to rest on your back, intestines and the two major blood vessels. A fair share of complications may result in the mother because of this.

• Backaches and hemorrhoids worsen, digestion becomes less efficient, breathing becomes difficult and low blood pressure may occur

• If you rest on your back the large vein or vena cava which transports blood from the lower body to the heart will be affected.

• When resting on your back even for a short while, prop up your upper body with pillows to reduce the pressure on the vena cava. This is essential as any interference with blood supply to the placenta means nutrients and oxygen supply to the fetus will be affected

The Best position..

• Side-lying positions with lots of pillows for additional support and comfort are ideal.

• It is best to lie on your left side instead of the right whenever possible so that baby receives its nutrients uninterrupted.

• Cross one leg over the other with a pillow in between is best for both mother and baby. This position not only optimizes blood flow to the placenta but also ensures smooth functioning of the kidneys.

• Efficient kidney function means better elimination of fluids and this in turn reduces the chances of odema (swelling of the ankles, feet, hands)

• Occasionally you may revert to sleeping on your back or tummy because you are just not used to your new position. No harm done here. Both positions bring no harm to the fetus; the fetus is well cushioned to suffer from any pressure on the maternal body