Parent plus new baby equals serious loss of sleep. It's a simple enough equation but a darn difficult one to live through.
It doesn't matter how ready (or not) you think you are for motherhood, nothing, but nothing, can prepare you for the brain-numbing, bone-aching reality of new-parent sleep deprivation.
The average newborn sleeps for 16 to 20 hours a day. But not all at once. And not all at night. It's pretty shattering for those of us who are meant to be in charge.
The early weeks are worst. Your baby's doing a random, round-the-clock waking and dozing thing, and often has a distinct aversion to sleeping anywhere other than your arms.
"My newborn wouldn't go to sleep on his own – only in my arms or in our bed. If we put him down in the Moses basket, he would wake after 20 minutes at the most. I was worried this might be the start of major bad habits but now he's seven weeks and is settling much better." Katyw
"My first child got her days and nights mixed up: she would sleep nearly all day and then be awake almost all night!" Pupuce
The early weeks are worst. Your baby's doing a random, round-the-clock waking and dozing thing, and often has a distinct aversion to sleeping anywhere other than your arms.
"My newborn wouldn't go to sleep on his own – only in my arms or in our bed. If we put him down in the Moses basket, he would wake after 20 minutes at the most. I was worried this might be the start of major bad habits but now he's seven weeks and is settling much better." Katyw
"My first child got her days and nights mixed up: she would sleep nearly all day and then be awake almost all night!" Pupuce
If you're not having any luck with the lay-down-and-leg-it approach, try our Mumsnet tips for settling your newborn.
Safe sleep
Although the causes of cot death (SIDS) are still not completely clear, health experts are agreed that there are steps you can take to reduce the risk for your baby...
• Put your baby on her back to sleep.
• Do not let anyone smoke in the same room as your baby.
• Do not let your baby get too hot or too cold.
• Do not cover your baby's head while she's sleeping.
• Place your baby down to sleep, so that her feet at the foot end of the cot.
• Consider using a dummy to settle your baby to sleep.
• Do not share a bed with your baby if you smoke.
• Do not share a bed with your baby if you have been drinking or taking drugs.
• Understand that the safest place for your baby to sleep in her first six months is in a cot in your room.
Safe sleep
Although the causes of cot death (SIDS) are still not completely clear, health experts are agreed that there are steps you can take to reduce the risk for your baby...
• Put your baby on her back to sleep.
• Do not let anyone smoke in the same room as your baby.
• Do not let your baby get too hot or too cold.
• Do not cover your baby's head while she's sleeping.
• Place your baby down to sleep, so that her feet at the foot end of the cot.
• Consider using a dummy to settle your baby to sleep.
• Do not share a bed with your baby if you smoke.
• Do not share a bed with your baby if you have been drinking or taking drugs.
• Understand that the safest place for your baby to sleep in her first six months is in a cot in your room.
As the weeks pass, it does, ever so slowly, get better (honest). Your baby will gradually cotton on to the difference between night and day and, by six to eight weeks, will probably be putting in more time at the cot-face during the wee, small hours.
Even the most diehard of night-time wakers are usually sleeping less in the day and more at night by 10 to 12 weeks.
"My daughter was either sleeping, feeding or screaming – none of the peaceful 'surveying the world' the baby books tell you about. I found it very depressing and worried that things would never change and that I must be doing it all wrong. But she changed and at ten weeks slept though the night." Elliesmum
Even the most diehard of night-time wakers are usually sleeping less in the day and more at night by 10 to 12 weeks.
"My daughter was either sleeping, feeding or screaming – none of the peaceful 'surveying the world' the baby books tell you about. I found it very depressing and worried that things would never change and that I must be doing it all wrong. But she changed and at ten weeks slept though the night." Elliesmum
Settling your newborn
Frustratingly, newborns don't come equipped with a 'now go to sleep' button. While some nod off angelically at the drop of a hat, there are many who, no matter how tired they are, often need some serious parental persuasion on the closing-eyes front. Mumsnet's top 10 sleep-persuasion tactics include...
1. Swaddling. "It saved my sanity. My daughter was far more settled when we wrapped her – you just have to be careful to make sure that they don't overheat. We used a cotton cellular blanket but, when it was really hot, we used a sheet." Sass
2. "Gently stroke your baby's nose in little downwards movements. This encourages them to close their eyes and fall asleep." Sexgoddess
3. "My son wouldn't settle if he was lying flat. We found putting him in a bouncy chair and rocking it gently worked." Dm2
4. "The spin cycle on the washing machine is very effective! Sometimes, I'd put several consecutive spins on just to lull her to drowsiness." Sass
5. "Try a lambskin. My two slept on them for years and they're so easy to take everywhere. I just put it on the floor and they'd settle straightaway." Alibubbles
6. "Keep things quiet and boring in the lead-up to bedtime and limit the number of people holding him. I underestimated how unsettling and over-stimulating being held by visitors can be." Bloss
7. Watch the clock. "A good rule of thumb is that a newborn can't stay awake more than two hours at a time. So, if yours has been wide awake for two hours, retreat to a quiet room with little stimulation." Amber1
8. "If all else fails, put your baby in a sling. She'll almost certainly fall asleep in there, close to your body, and at least you've got your hands free to make yourself a cup of tea." Porpoise
And for the baby who falls asleep beautifully in your arms but snaps awake again as soon as his head hits the sheets...
Frustratingly, newborns don't come equipped with a 'now go to sleep' button. While some nod off angelically at the drop of a hat, there are many who, no matter how tired they are, often need some serious parental persuasion on the closing-eyes front. Mumsnet's top 10 sleep-persuasion tactics include...
1. Swaddling. "It saved my sanity. My daughter was far more settled when we wrapped her – you just have to be careful to make sure that they don't overheat. We used a cotton cellular blanket but, when it was really hot, we used a sheet." Sass
2. "Gently stroke your baby's nose in little downwards movements. This encourages them to close their eyes and fall asleep." Sexgoddess
3. "My son wouldn't settle if he was lying flat. We found putting him in a bouncy chair and rocking it gently worked." Dm2
4. "The spin cycle on the washing machine is very effective! Sometimes, I'd put several consecutive spins on just to lull her to drowsiness." Sass
5. "Try a lambskin. My two slept on them for years and they're so easy to take everywhere. I just put it on the floor and they'd settle straightaway." Alibubbles
6. "Keep things quiet and boring in the lead-up to bedtime and limit the number of people holding him. I underestimated how unsettling and over-stimulating being held by visitors can be." Bloss
7. Watch the clock. "A good rule of thumb is that a newborn can't stay awake more than two hours at a time. So, if yours has been wide awake for two hours, retreat to a quiet room with little stimulation." Amber1
8. "If all else fails, put your baby in a sling. She'll almost certainly fall asleep in there, close to your body, and at least you've got your hands free to make yourself a cup of tea." Porpoise
And for the baby who falls asleep beautifully in your arms but snaps awake again as soon as his head hits the sheets...
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