Most people don't believe that women are born to give birth. The majority seriously think that giving birth is difficult, dangerous and traumatic. Doubly true for natural childbirth. Only weirdos – either masochists or women with supernatural powers – would want to give birth without the help of drugs and an operating room.
For a woman to give birth happily, she needs lots of support before, during and after. If you are planning a natural childbirth, only discuss this with people who will be supportive of your decision. Confidence in your ability to birth is essential – surround yourself with people who believe in you!
First off, I firmly believe that with the right preparation, almost every woman can give birth naturally (I am excluding here women with serious medical problems). First time mothers, included. Even delicate women like myself.
Tip 1: Be Prepared
It is no coincidence that what you go through in childbirth is called "labor." Your body works very hard to deliver your baby into the world. And just like any hard work, you need to be ready mentally and physically for the labor.
Do your research
While birth is a natural bodily process, most of us have never seen a human birth before. Maybe you witnessed a calf or kittens being born. Unfortunately, we humans have significantly complicated the process.Read up on what to expect (better yet take a childbirth class). Get yourself and your partner familiar with what is going to happen. Births are filled with little surprises, like mucus plugs, that are missing from Hollywood movies.
At least know the basics so when the moment arrives you or your husband won't panic. Staying calm, cool and collected really helps in moving the birth along.
Mental preparation
There are three main mental obstacles you need to overcome when giving birth: fear of the unknown, fear of the known and fear of pain.
Fear of the unknown
Most of us like to feel in control and the unknown makes us understandably nervous. Giving birth is filled with the unknown. First, unless you have reserved a c-section for a specific date, you can't know when the birth will happen. This is especially frustrating towards the end when you are sick and tired of being pregnant.
From an evolutionary and physiological perspective, this makes sense. Babies, especially our helpless pups, need to be born at a time and place where the mother can best protect herself and the newborn. No point in investing 10 months in a pregnancy only to have the babe eaten by lions thirty minutes after his first breath. Stress hormones prevent an untimely birth; only when the mother feels relaxed and comfortable will the labor begin (and progress).
So, to sum up the subject of not knowing when – while there is no way to know when your baby will decide to pop out, rest assured, though, that there is a good chance she'll wait for the most opportune time.
The other unknowns are the whats and the what ifs. What is it going to feel like? What if the baby is breech/ too large/ posterior? What if something goes wrong? What if the baby isn't OK? What if the baby dies? What if I die?
Not everyone wants to think about the worst case scenarios. However, whether you actively think about them or not, the fears lie in wait in us all.
How to deal with these fears is very individual.
Fear of the known
However you decide to prepare yourself (whether through exercises in a book or in a childbirth class ), it is very important to also deal with any underlying psychological issues you might have about giving birth before the birth.
Many women carry their mothers' births (for the good and the bad) around with them in the belief that what happened to their mother is what is likely to happen to them. If your mother had fantastic, easy births – all the better for you. But if you grew up hearing horror stories about too big babies, near death experiences or premature labor – you need to deal with this.
While fears are contagious, the actual events are not.
Do yourself a favor and speak with a professional – a doctor or psychologist or anyone else you trust, if you are worried or anxious about something specific with regards to your pregnancy or birth.
Fear of the pain
I am not going to belittle the pain you are probably going to experience during labor. Things are going to be tough. It is going to hurt.
I once studied with a woman who gave birth to all three of her daughters naturally and painlessly. She said her two sisters had the exact same experience. Aren't they lucky!
Chances are, though, you won't have those amazing genes. You are going to feel pain.
But it will be OK! Trust me – the process of giving birth is designed in such a way that you will be able to withstand the pain.
It is a well-known fact that if you are afraid, you experience pain more intensely. If you want a natural childbirth, you are going to have to prepare yourself.
1. Believe in yourself. You can do it! Believe in your body's ability to birth.
I had mantras that I would repeat to myself before each birth: "You are powerful." "Your body knows how to give birth peacefully and easily." "My baby is healthy and strong."
Every women needs to have her own mantras. Write them down on a piece of paper and hang them somewhere you will see them often (mine was on the mirror in our bathroom). Repeat the sentences to yourself frequently.
2. Learn relaxation techniques. I took a hynobirthing course. The relaxation techniques really helped me, well, relax. The more relaxed and comfortable you are, the better your birth will flow. You don't necessarily need to take a whole course but reading up on the subject of relaxation and meditation is helpful.
3. Take a childbirth class. Click here for my spiel on this subject.
4. Don't go it alone - hire a doula. Because I was afraid that my husband might not make it in time for my third birth, I hired a doula who lived a couple of minutes from our home. She was amazing. My doula came with Bach remedies. She massaged my back. She gave me words of encouragement. I remember when the contractions were getting heavy saying to her, "Did it really hurt you this much?" And I remember her answering, "I think it hurt me more." Just knowing there was someone with me who had been through it, really bolstered my confidence.
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